Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Being away from my cat is going to be the weirdest bit. Well her and my mom.
Hmm... should I really be putting those two in a comparitive thought? My cat is like my baby. My seven year old baby. It is going to be very hard to be away from her for so many months. Especially since she is the one who has been spooning with me everynight. That's right, I spoon with my cat. She puts her little head on my chin and I put my arm up through her legs and cup her face in my palm. Really, it's effing adorable. I would say that she keeps me warm at night, but since I'm basically a human heating pad, I think it's the other way around. I hope she doesn't forget me. Better yet, I hope she doesn't run away, or do something stupid like getting herself killed.
It all felt very surreal yesterday when I put the final stamp on it by putting in my four weeks. (yes I'm a kind soul who always give double what is expected) I will miss the people I work with. I will miss my friends. But I also know that I will probably be having too much fun to really miss them all that bad. ;P
Everyone is invited to come visit me up there. In fact, I encourage it. Some of you I have made promise that you will come. I will be holding you to that. (yes you! cause you're probably the only one reading this! hehe)
Well anyways, just wanted to finish off my last blog by actually coming out and telling you it's official. Look out wilderness... here I come!
Friday, April 24, 2009
from Glacier National Park.
[It will be official 0nce they send me the contract and I sign it, and all that jazz.]
I couldn't be more excited!!! I am ECSTATIC!!!
Of course I am also suddenly feeling extremely over-whelmed as I only have five'ish weeks to get out of my apartment and get everything taken care of. But it will be oh-so worth it!!!
Here's some pictures of what my summer backyard will look like:
(Eat your heart out!!!)
So, if you wanna see me one last time before I take off,
then get to it!!!*LOVES*
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Isn't there some type of culinary blog for things like that? I thought blogs were supposed to focus on writing? Oh well. Just wanted to rant for a minute.
P.S. I totally had a delicious salad for lunch today! OH and soy yogurt for breakfast! go me! :P
But really this is the most disgustingly ridiculous song I have EVER heard!!! --which is really REALLY bad coming from someone like me, who admittedly likes cheesy teeny bopper pop songs.--
If you haven't heard it, (you blessed soul) it goes a little something like this:
Monday, April 20, 2009
On Saturday I had one of those mornings where you wake up, not really sure how you made it to bed, but totally grateful that you did. I woke up ever so slowly, blinking furiously to get my eyes to focus on the clock which read 12:08 PM. I was sprawled diagonally across the bed, covers draped all around the room, only my leg was being touched by my sheets. The canopy that surrounds my bed was pulled down on one entire side. I was naked. My hair a ruffled mess. My left collar bone was sufficiently bruised....for this I have no explanation. Putting all of the evidence together, I knew I must have had a great night, though my memory failed to provide any exciting details.
Ariele and I spent the rest of the day doing everything but the chores I was supposed to do. (my laundry pile is turning into a national crisis) We took a beautiful drive up the canyon and re-read the story of my 21st birthday trip that the two of us took back in 2006. We probably laughed off a good five pounds reliving the experience. That trip was epic.After that we went and ate at the Sun and Moon cafe'. And oh my goodness.. what happened to that place?!?! It used to be an adorable little hippy joint with colorful walls and decor of suns and moons everywhere. Now the walls are white and bare, and they even have table cloths on the tables!! The prices were significantly higher and the new food selection left an impression that they were now trying to be "classy." The food was only sub-par and the atmosphere was stuffy and uncomfortable. Too bad. I used to think that place was so quaint.
On Sunday, Ariele's adorable friend from work was having a bbq at Liberty Park, --much like the rest of the city-- so we decided to join in on the fun. It was such a cliche' experience, but still totally enjoyable! There were people playing frisbee, throwing balls for dogs, laying out, hula-hooping, etc. (I need to purchase one of those, cause for the life of me I couldn't get anyone to take a break and let me hula too).
The shishkabobs (how the hell is that spelled?) they made were delicious! The day was breath-takingly beautiful. The perfect temperature. Perfect day out.
Now to get to the SUPER exciting news!!!! A few months ago I applied to work up at Glacier National Park in Montana. (well really its on an Indian reservation in Montana, so it's got it's own set of rules apart from the state, and it's only a short drive from Canada, so that in itself is a huge bonus) The place is out of this world gorgeous!!! They e-mailed me back about a month ago saying due to the economy, etc, etc, they couldn't hire on anymore new employees. I responded by asking if they would hold my application and consider hiring me on for the season next year. THEN, a couple days ago, they wrote back saying a position has become available and asked if I was still interested in the job!!! Of course I said yes!!! (California/Oregon can wait)
So I'm currently in the process of getting all those details worked out. The biggest bummer of it all is that I would have to leave my cat behind. Of course my mom will take her and she will be ever so happy to have the huge backyard to play in, but ,*sigh* I will miss her ever so dearly!!! But it's only for 4 months, so I think we can both deal. Besides, she'll have my mom.
As to not make this too god-awful long I will end it here. Once again, my life just keeps getting pushed further and further into a positive direction!!! I'm so happy I could dance!!
Friday, April 17, 2009
You might as well be a drug dealer. I'm serious. You are good. Too good! The way you end your chapters is one thing.. keeping us on the edge of our seat, only hinting towards what is to come, always pleading for us to keep going. But the fact that you end your books like that too!?!?! It's almost mental torture for those of us who can NOT shake the story out of our head! I am almost constantly daydreaming about the events in Forks, finding it difficult to pull myself back into the boring reality I live in. I just have to say that I am so, so, SOOOO HAPPY that I am late in the process of getting addicted. If I actually had to wait however long for the next book to come out I think it would drive me into insanity!! I'm so glad that I waited (not intentionally) until was able to buy the box set, complete with all four books, so I can start onto the next one as soon as I want.
I have to say that at this point 'Eclipse' (book #3) is so far my favorite. There is so much character development, and so much collaboration, or, bringing together of the main characters. And the way you ended it!!! Oh my goodness! How dare you! --I can't even believe that I'm about to say this-- but it makes me want to tell everyone that I'm too busy to hang out this weekend and spend the whole 2 1/2 days off work reading the last book!! (if only I really had the free time to do that) All I have to say is that the final book had BETTER have a very solid ending. If you leave me wanting more after that you will get a very bitter and angry letter!!
(and I might actually send that one to you!)
However, I would also like to congratulate you again for writing such an amazingly intriguing series. It has been the perfect distraction for me! Just when I needed it the most. What a nice break from reality. I bet if you really felt like it, you could put out one of these books each year and us fans would just eat them up year after year! You inspire me. I hope someday I can write a book so engrossing and enjoyable to read.
An Avidly Addicted Fan
P.S. 'I included "holy crow" in my title because you use that in the book a few times, and it totally sounds like such a Utahn term, it makes me giggle.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
"The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
After work today I went to my cleaning "job." I put job in quotations because it doesn't (it says doesn't is spelled wrong? Is that not a word anymore?) really feel like a job, I love doing it. It's always fun to clean. It's such a rewarding chore, when you can actually see the progress you've made. Plus I love who I clean for. She's so much fun! But I digress... usually after I clean for a few hours we sit down and watch some episodes of "Weeds," which is a great show that she is helping me get caught up on. (I'm four seasons behind -- well close to only three). But she was too tired to watch that tonight, which was fine with me cause now I had that extra hour to spend at the gym. I went to the gym out on Van Winkle this time, they have a cardio cinema there. They were playing "Superstar." (score!) I was the ONLY one in the room who was laughing!! I couldn't believe it! --well I also couldn't believe how many people were at the gym at 10:00 at night!--
Molly Shannon is hilarious! and Will Ferrill! Don't get me started!
"you're parents named you after bottled water..... why don't you go drink a bottle of yourself!"
But guess what I did tonight?!?! I TACKLED MY FEAR OF THE TREADMILL!!! I always just use the eliptical machines because a looong time ago I decided that I hate to run. But I figured, hey, I used to hate mustard and now I like it, so maybe this has changed too. Guess what?! I was right! I ran for a whole hour!!! I was so proud of myself. Guess what else I did?!? I took off my shirt so I was just running in my sports bra!! (granted it was very dark in there... and also extremely hot!) If you know me, you know how self conscience I am of my mid-section. So that was one more feat tackled. Two points for team Crystal! Woo!
On my way home I was jamming out to some tunes, singing out loud, bobbing my head, hand motions...the whole nine yards; and while at a stop light I looked over and noticed the two people in the car next to me watching me and laughing. I just smiled, waved, and went on with my car dance. Things like that don't bother me. I just don't get embarrassed very easily. (I want to say I never get embarrassed, but I'm sure that's not true... I'll bet if I messed myself in public I would get VERY embarrassed!)
*Sigh* It's late, I supposed I should attempt to get some sleep. I need to stop going to the gym so late, it always makes me hyper. However, I refuse to not go at all. I WILL reach my goals!
On a final note I want to add that I've been dreaming of Luke Perry a lot. (and on a silly ironic note he was 'on' the Family Guy episode that was just on. ha) What do you think that's all about? He's a hottie. He always plays a Vampire in my dreams. Probably because he was in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" movie (I loved that movie as a child!) and of course because of my book. Speaking of which, man... Edward just keeps getting better! He continues to bring tears to my eyes with his precious precious words. What a sweet sweet sweet gentleman!!
Men, this character has given you a LOT to live up to! Another suggestion to the men out there is to read the Twilight books even if you hate them (but I bet you won't) and study the things Edward says/does for/to Bella. If you apply that in your relationships, your woman will swoon like you've never seen before! :P
Well signing off now. Guess I'll read till the sleepy eyes take over.
Goodnight Never Never Land!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I woke up. My alarm was of course, buzzing loudly beside me. I chuckled to myself. --
But now for the boasting! I've been thinking, (a wonderful past-time that is like second nature to breathing for me) I think a LOT at the gym... and you know what I've realized?! I feel lighter. (mentally) I didn't realize how heavy this "negativity cloud" was. The one I didn't even really notice that has been surrounding me for the past, oh, year or so. I knew that I was in a constant battle of whether or not I was doing the right things, (with the right person), heading in the right direction, etc. I had SO MUCH negativity pushing itself upon me, getting heavier and heavier every day. Strangling me until the air became thick and dense and hard to breathe. (this is all metaphorical, of course)
Well as I said I've been feeling lighter. I realize every day I get happier, more positive, and more excited for the future. All the plans are in the works, which may or may not be funner than the idea of not having the plans and not knowing what's going to happen. All I know is that in just a couple months, I will out of this memory tainted apartment, and soon enough, out of this memory tainted city. Not that I don't love this city. I do. I'm just over it. It was a part of my life that I just don't feel connected to anymore. It's time for something new. Something fresh. And that is exactly what I will be giving myself.
I also couldn't be happier that my Mom is getting involved. What with everything she's had to go through in the last year, she has also taken a negative turn from her otherwise usual sunny disposition. I also didn't realize how much weight I was adding to her already growing problems. I always tried to put on a front for her, but she could always detect the sadness behind my lies. The worst was when she would call me and I couldn't hold back the tears. Ugh.
Well I don't cry anymore. I have nothing to cry about. However, I am saddened by how many many countless tears I wasted on that one person. That one person who is SOOO not even worth more than one crying fit. It makes me smile to realize that that part of my life is over. I'm stronger. --mentally and physically-- I will never let myself get caught up in such a painful and exhausting situation. My heart shrunk with pain... and now it's grown two sizes larger. Just like the Grinch. :)
I've also stopped clinging to people as much. I know I will always stay in touch with my closest friends, and if I can help it we will still get together every now and then. But there is no reason to attach yourself so fully to another human being. I mean it's true that:
people you meet for a season,
and people you meet for life."
But anyways, as I said, I feel lighter. It actually feels like I'm floating. I love it. It's like I'm walking on clouds. An extra dance in my step.
"I wake up every morning, with a big smile on my face, and it never feels out of place."
The future is open to possibilities. It's bright. It's sunny. And I can not wait for the adventure that lies ahead. :D
Alright, already we'll all float on,
Okay don't worry, we'll all float on alright,
already we'll all float on, alright,
dont' worry even if things end up a bit too heavy,
we'll all float on, alright,
we'll all float on."
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I LOVE rain. I really do. Everyone tells me if I were around it more I wouldn't like it as much. Well I don't think so. I would like to prove them wrong. Or right...either way, I know I love it.
I am very excited to live in Oregon for a while, even with all the rain. OR ESPECIALLY with all the rain. I think Oregon is just my cup of tea. mmm tea...
Water is my favorite element. Nothing can survive without water. Nothing. That kind of power fascinates me. Plus it's so hypnotic. Everything about it, the way it moves, the way it sounds. And of course you can't beat a good thunder storm! We just don't have enough of those here in Utah. [Yet another thing to add to the list of "reasons I've moving out of Utah."]
Rain is also very sensual. Thunderstorms even more so. It's hard to beat a good cuddle session during a rainstorm. mmmmm....
Come to me baby, I'm waiting.
I've been going to the gym everyday.
I've been crunch, crunch, crunching you.
I've been counting my calories.
I've even quit drinking on weekdays.
I see you developing back there...
just trying to push through that last layer of fluff.
I will not give up on you.
All I want for my birthday....
(which is in June)
Please come to me.
It's true what they say, about time healing all wounds...
I've always known it. But I also know how difficult it can be to believe that concept when you are caught up in the moment of pain or sadness. I assure you though, enough time will heal anything. [Even if you were to carry a grudge to the grave with you,
it is only because this human life did not give you enough allotted time to fully heal.]
I have learned so much.
It gave me such a better perspective of who I am, how other people can be, and how I need to alter myself to so that this doesn't happen to me again. At least not in the same fashion.
(ALWAYS listen to your friends opinions, even if they don't seem right, at least hear them out and consider the possibilities that they could be right, and you could be wrong.)
"I didn't know that the words you said to me,
When it comes down to it, it's all about trusting yourself. Don't let yourself get so caught up in the moment, or the initial emotions that you might have towards a person. Stay true to yourself and don't let anyone else change anything about you. If you're gut tells you something isn't right, then it probably isn't. If you have to question someone's motives, even for a second,
**Pause for a ranting moment**
Is it REALLY that hard to honest these days?!?! Really?!?!?
No, I just wanted him to say he was sorry for how much he hurt me.
I will end with a favorite cheers of mine, perfect to recite with your girlfriends:
"Here's to the men that we love,
Monday, April 13, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
(My Easter Lunch.)
Friday, April 10, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
So I was at the gym tonight, thinking once again about love. --See I've been on a huge love kick this year. Ever since getting my heart trampled on, slowly and painfully healing, and then stumbling into the Twilight series, it has become a very consistent topic of thought for my brain. I hate to sound all cliche' about it... but the conclusion I've come to, and when you truly think about it, love is what the world is lacking. Some people get it: "What the world needs now, is love, sweet love, it's the only thing, that there's just, too little of." and "All you need is Love," etc, etc. I recently had a friend tell me she had a "hate for love," to which I responded, "You cannot have a hate for love... but merely a hate for the LACK of love."
Back to the gym: So my newest trainer, to be quite blunt, is a super hottie. It does tend to make it difficult for me to concentrate on pushing my body to the extreme when every time my eyes meet his I turn into a giggly school girl, and find myself wishing that, as opposed to being all red and sweaty in his presence, I would instead be all dolled up wearing high heels and a cute little mini skirt. I find myself after each set of work outs wanting to slap his ass and tell him 'good game', even though I am, in fact, the one doing all the work.
But I digress, see today, I slipped up and accidentally flirted with him. I didn't mean to! It's sort of a natural reaction/defense mechanism of mine. (I blame the stars: being a gemini) See, when I feel awkward or uncomfortable around a person, naturally I begin to flirt. I really don't intend to, but I find that when I do so, in most cases, it can help ease tension, maybe even create a giggle or two, but definitely makes the other party relax a little bit and that helps me not feel so uncomfortable. Well tonight, I guess I made it obvious enough to push him to bring out the words, "my girlfriend.." Now, as previously stated I really wasn't flirting to get a reaction. This guy, beit he's very gorgeous, just isn't my type. (course a lot of people tell me I need to up my standards) However, my point rests on the fact of him saying that. Now the general reaction for most girls when they hear these words from a stunningly handsome man, is of course different for everyone, but around the same thing. It's either: "DAMN, I must get rid of her," or "OH well I am SOOO much better than your stupid girlfriend, you'll realize this" or then there's the, "oh, well the f***ing sucks." etc. etc.
HOWEVER, this time, my reaction caught me off guard. My VERY FIRST THOUGHTS were: "Oh how nice! You have a girlfriend.. I hope you guys are very happy together." While this may sound like sarcasm, I assure you, it wasn't. (and I know with it coming out of my mouth, you do need assurance.) I was 100% totally positively happy to hear that he was in a relationship! And that he is so confident in his relationship, that when he feels like boundaries are being pushed, he brings her up, as opposed to a lesser man who would have pretended she didn't exsist.
On a side note of this: I must add that it is so refreshing to meet good men out there. Of course I'm assuming... for all I know he goes home and beats his said girlfriend, but at least he still has the decency to acknowledge her in public. (haha) MOSTLY, though, it is SOOO nice for me to be back in this state of mind. I am no longer lonely. I no longer feel like I need to seek someone to fill an invisible 'empty void.' I am truthfully and honestly, just happy being single. So much so, that I get enlightened to hear of others finding someone else to share their lives with! Or more especially, when someone finds love--or what they think is love.
They say everything happens to us for a reason. I don't know if that's just someone's words of wisdom, or if it's based off religion, or where it originates from at all. I do however know, that I believe it. Even if it isn't true it is a good way to take experiences in our lifes and learn from them. I believe that I had to get my heart broken (that is the nice way of putting it) in order for me to realize I have GOT TO up the standards of the people I date. I am no longer going to put up with things that I shouldn't have to. A relationship shouldn't be exhausting. It shouldn't be a constant battle. It shouldn't be something you are constantly making excuses for, just to force yourself to believe that it is good. My next words I want every woman reading to follow:
"HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU"
I know there are a lot of douche bags out there. And if you're one of them reading this, here's my advice: RENT SOME EFFING CHICK FLICKS AND TAKE NOTES!!!! The media bascially provides this guide for dating, showing us how men and women individually want to be treated. Take there advice. Back in the day there wasn't so much information to work with. Use it to your advantage.
And come on, is it really so hard to just be honest with people?!?! In a world full of sarcasm and exaggeration I know it is a struggle to say what you mean and mean what you say, but I think if you really try, you'll find it's easier than you thought. It may not always work out the way you want it to, but it WILL work out the way it's SUPPOSED to, and hopefully hurt less people in the end.
Wow, I accidentally got all preachy. I'm not trying to say I know all the answers, not by any means, I'm only 23. BUT I have been doing a lot of research on the subject, being a hopeless romantic as I am, and I have learned a lot in doing so. About myself, and about what I want from a partner. Someday, my prince will come. I fully believe that. Someday I know that I too will have that head-over-heels, can't breathe, can't think straight, can't stop smiling, floating on air, kind of love. Everyone deserves that. And my advice is to not give up until you find that equal other half. That person that fully completes you, and neither you, or him/her question it for a minute.
I would like to close with a quote from Edward to Bella in 'New Moon':
"Before you Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars--points of light and reason. ... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."
Full of Love
"First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do."
Hopeful for the future