Monday, July 18, 2011

Life is backwards

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get in the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? The life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way. You wake up in an old age home, feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink like a fish, party your ass off, and screw anything that moves - you've only got a few years left, so why not?!? Then you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, then, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room
service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and then you finish off as an orgasm!"

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

To Cali or not to Cali...

...that IS the question.

The idea of moving to California has been plaguing me for quite a long time now. In between my California-bound interest, I have also gone through other interests of relocation such as Washington, Oregon, and Hawaii; but I have always come back to the idea of California. The desire to live in lower elevation, a steady climate, and near the ocean (oh dear god, THE OCEAN), is at this point undeniable and basically inescapable.

Up until now, my venture to move further towards the West Coast has been a venture all on my own. I was the one who had to make the decision. I was the one who had to find the place. I was the one who had to find a new job. I was the one who had to find the money. [$$$$$]
But alas, this year the universe provided me with help; a partner named Vic. A partner who not only suits me in all the ways I've always wanted a partner too, but also one who has the same deeply devoted desire to move towards the ocean as I have. (& he comes with ambition no less!)

SO in the midst of this newly developing relationship, me and Vic have been heavily toying with the idea of moving to California. We even took a trip out there for my birthday so he could show me the area's he's interested in living in. I've always been more of a North Cali lover, but since I hadn't actually been further south then LA, I couldn't efficiently judge. Vic has always been a South Cali lover, but since he hasn't ever been further north then San Fran, he can't efficiently judge either.
However, the trip we took for my birthday was southbound. As soon as we drove into the Huntington Beach area, I was in love. The moist salty air was tangible with waves of relaxation. It was as if I could FEEL how everyone around me was feeling. Happy. Laid back. Warm. Relaxed. Excited. Completely content beyond all measures of the word. This place was just screaming, "Why don't you pull up some sand and take a load off?"
So we did. We stayed in a hotel in Sunset Beach. We lounged on the beach, tripped to the ocean, grooved to the sun, cruised on the boardwalk, indulged in lots of deliciously fresh fish entrees, and smiled till our faces hurt.

When the week was over, we begrudgingly came back to Utah. Still riding the high from the majestic ocean waves. It took less than one day to miss California crave to go back. So this is when the debate of moving out there got heavier.
We started looking for places to rent. To which we discovered what everyone has been saying is ultimately true... California is EXPENSIVE!! The cheapest places that we could find (that we would actually live in), were in apartment complex's. Two bedroom, one bathroom starting around $1700/mo NOT including utilities. Distraught by the harsh reality of the costs we would be indebted in, (not just by the price of living there, but also with moving expenses included....) we started questioning whether moving to California is really the wisest decision for us.

Here's the brief breakdown of our conclusion:

-For the price we would spend to move to and live in California, we can stay here and use that money to travel all over the world, including visiting California SEVERAL times!
-If we're going to have such high living expenses, we would probably both need to be working as full time as possible. Which means 2+ jobs for each of us. With that kind of schedule, would we even be able to enjoy California?? Would we even find enough time off to go to the beach?
-For the price we are going to be spending in Cali, we could stay here and treat ourselves to a whole private house! With a nice backyard, a garage, and --fingers crossed--a hot tub!!
-We already have good jobs here with an already expanded network for upgrading in our fields. Why not stay here until we are more successful (a.k.a making the big bucks!), THEN relocate to somewhere cooler.

and last but CERTAINLY not least:
-Is it really a wise decision to move to CALIFORNIA before 2012?!?!? Now hear me out: Even IF nothing happens in a planet-based/universal/end-of-the-world sense, people are going to go nuckin futs!!!! It is a perfect time for all the crazies to get even crazier! And where do you suppose the craziest shit is gonna go down? =California, New York, and Florida, without question.

Ultimately, we decided that as long as we are together, it doesn't matter where we live.

Therefore, for the time being, Vic and I are going to stay in Utah. [At least until 2013]
That is our final decision. Doesn't mean that it won't change... Just that it's the plan for now.

So you still have Crystal. . . . .
You ALLLLLL still have Crystal!!!!

(You'll laugh at that statement if you are a Futurama fan, and replace 'crystal' w/ 'zoidberg')

Friday, July 8, 2011


For my birthday, my boyfriend bought me one of the most personal and beneficial presents I could ever possibly think of. In fact, it's something I would have never even thought of...

I now own my own website.
Of course no one else had taken My name is spectacularly unique!

I haven't had a chance to work on it yet... but you bet your tushies I'll be getting to it asap. I'm still not sure if I should make it similar to this blog, filled with random junk I like to blab about, or if I should make it more focused to massage/health. Either way, there there it is... at my disposal.

:) I'm all smiles. :)

Dream home

M'lis Detoxification Cleanse

For the last week I have been doing a detoxification cleanse from the company M'lis. In this week I have had a lot of people asking me about the cleanse I'm doing. Even though not too many people read my blog, I thought I should post some information about it here.

To start off, I want to express the importance of a cleanse. I have not only learned massive amounts about the human body in the last year and a half, but I have also taken a few classes on the benefits of detoxification. Have you ever heard of the John Wayne Syndrome? Well it's obviously named that after the actor. When John Wayne turned 70 he was suffering from a multitude of health issues. When the doctors started doing heavy research on what could be causing these issues they came across this: 60 lbs. of undigested meat in his colon. Yes, SIXTY POUNDS of undigested meat!!!!! It's a world record.
How disgusting is that?!?! Well if that grosses you out, then know this: You yourself probably have a certain amount of undigested food in your colon too. No, you don't have anywhere near 60 lbs, but then again, that all depends on your age. The crap that we call food these days is very very hard for our bodies to process. Also, at the increased rate that most of us eat this food makes it extra hard for our bodies digest. Therefore, a lot of food ends up getting 'stuck' in certain parts of your intestinal tract. When food gets stuck in a certain spot, it decreases the peristaltic action of your intestines, thus atrophy occurs. It's gross, but it's a fact.

(Side fact: THE hardest thing for your body to digest is meat. The second hardest thing is potatos. Put the 2 together --which almost everyone does-- and you have just given your body the toughest challenge it can have when it comes to digestion. Fact.)

The following is taken out of the M'lis handbook that you receive with the detox package:

Detoxification can help alleviate many symptoms of a toxic body,
such as:

- Fatigue/Lack of energy
- Overweight/underweight
- Digestive problems
- Irregularity
- Cravings and addictions
- Headaches
- Mood swings, anxiety, depression
- Low resistance to illness/infection
- Allergies, asthma
- Skin disorders

It has been estimated that 95% of all disease begins in a toxic colon.
Detoxification is one of the most important factors in the promotion of good health and disease prevention. The M'lis Detoxification Program helps the body to cleanse itself of toxins, mucus and other waste materials in the intestinal tract and major vital organs, improving the way they function. This not only restores new energy to the vital organs, but to the entire body as well.

M'lis offers one of the original Detoxification Programs. Our natural formulas have been in use since 1985 - long before detoxification was a popular concept. This history gives you confidence that you are using a program that is safe and effective.

Detoxification can be part of a health maintenance and prevention program when used 3 to 4 times a year.

The benefits:

- An increase in energy is experienced.
- The digestive tract can rid itself of accumulated waste and putrefied bacteria. (Typical loss is between 2-8 lbs of water and waste during 3 day cleanse)
- Liver, Kidneys and blood are purified, and function more effectively.
- The peristaltic action of the colon is strengthened.
- A mental clarity occurs that is not possible under the constant bombardment of chemicals and food additives.
- Dependency on habit-forming substances such as refined sugar, caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and drugs is greatly diminished.
- Bad eating habits are broken. As you come off the program it is easier to make wiser food choices.
- The stomach has a chance to return to normal size, making it easier to control the quantity of food eaten.

The program consists of 2 preparation days in which you eat only fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Then 3 days of drinking a mixture of pure lemon juice, real maple syrup, and distilled water, along w/ half your bodies weight in ounces of distilled water. Finished with 2 post days of fresh fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. During the whole cleanse you take 3 supplements:

-Cleanse: Intestinal Cleanser; an herbal bowel tonic, helping to clean hard encrustation of old fecal matter. Provides nutrients to help restore peristaltic action of the colon. Helps expel parasites.
-Detox: Body Purifier; an herbal formula that helps remove toxins and mucus from the major organs. Helps purify the bloodstream and cleanse the lymphatic system.
-Fiber: Wheat Bran and Psyllium; restores dietary fiber to the system, cleans the bowels and intestines without calories, and helps to lower the cholesterol level. Psyllium cleans debris from the system and will combat constipation.

To learn more go to:

To briefly describe my experience on the cleanse, well I feel INCREDIBLE. I feel lighter and healthier and have experienced a massive increase in energy. I have also been sleeping more soundly than I have been in a long time. Also have experienced very vivid dreams. (Most of which were of me eating all the food I could get my hands on.)
My allergies, which have been trying to destroy me for the last month, have improved by at least 40%!! No joke. I'm amazed by this! I have also lost about 8lbs.

People are constantly saying to me, "I could never do that."
You are not a slave to your body! Your body is a machine, much like your vehicle; thus they must be taken care of just like your vehicle. Yes, the cleanse is a challenging experience, but the benefits you reap are WORTH IT!!! Physically it is only challenging because eating is a habit for us. When we are not eating solid foods we miss the oral fixation of putting food in your mouth and chewing. But on this program you are still getting all of the nutrients and caloric intake your body needs.
Whenever I started feeling hungry, I simply took a drink of the mixture, reminded myself that I was getting everything I needed, and the hungry pains went away instantly. The challenge came from the habit of eating and the fact that food is so damn delicious. I found myself thinking, "hmm what should I have for lunch/dinner today?" then I would giggle and think "Oh yeah, my mixture." Also challenging was when some amazing smelling food wafted my way. I started "eating with my nose" as an alternative.

In conclusion, I am proud of myself for completing the cleanse and I encourage everyone out there to do the same for themselves. If you have any questions and/or want to learn more, do not hesitate to ask me. Also, only people w/ professional licenses or who work in a spa can order the product. I am happy to help anyone out who wants to do this cleanse. :)

May good health be with you all!