My Lovelies

Great girlfriends, great beverages... I figured these pictures should follow my last blog:

I LOVE YOU GIRLS!!!

Girlfriends / Boyfriends

I would like to take this blogging opportunity to convey my feelings on the importance of girlfriends. We females NEED other female comradery like we need air. I believe, that it is vitally important to our well-being to have girlfriends in order to live a full and happy life. About this time last year I was dealing with heartbreak. I so happen to meet another lovely young lady who was also going through heartbreak at the same time. We bonded. We realized in befriending each other, and having one another to rely on--really lightened the pain. This is when I had the epiphany of the real importance of girlfriends. So I put them as my main priority. Made sure I called all my girlfriends just to chat, and tried to put together "girls' nights in/out" etc. Turns out, it was the best thing I could have done for myself.



This (last?) summer I wanted to get out of Utah... more specifically, get out of my 'comfort zone.' Shake things up, get out of my rut, try living in another place. That is why I took the job in Montana. Long story short... I got more out of my comfort zone then I could have imagined.

First off, I learned that I am at least 60% germaphobe. I need my surroundings to be clean. Not 'spic and span eat off the floor' clean... but clean, uncluttered, vacuumed, wiped down, etc. Secondly, I not so much learned as truly realized the effects of alcohol and how it can totally and completely change a person! It can make an otherwise smart person do stupid things, or an otherwise nice person do extremely violent/mean things. What a crazy drug!! And it's legal, but weed isn't?!? I will never understand this theory. You give a group of people alcohol and crazy shit is going to persue... most likely leading to sexual activities or breaking things. You give a group of people weed and they'll all sit in a circle giggling. I don't get it.



But I digress.... Thirdly, I learned that I have NO IDEA what I want out of life. I know that I want to travel, I know that I want to see as many parts of the world as possible, but I've always known that, and that's it. I have also learned that as much as I wanted to escape Utah, this place will always be my home. And I will always be happy to come back here.
I used to think that if a man came to me and said "travel the world with me" I would be putty in his hands. But another thing I've realized, that's not true.
Speaking of men... I have been doing a lot of thinking --AND talking to my girlfriends-- and when I look back at the people I have dated.... NONE of them are even remotely the same type of person. In the last 7 (ish) years I have dated a:

• Dorky-boy
• Rocker-boy
• Hippie-boy
• Politcal Navy-boy
• and a
• Cowboy

It's like I'm at a buffet and I want to sample everything before I can decide on exactly which meal I want to eat. I guess that's not a bad thing that everyone I've dated is completely different, but what does it mean?

I am a Sponge. I know this. I know many have told me this, in nice and rude ways. I tend to absorb the people around me, become like them, do the same things, sometimes end up liking the same things. I also pick up personality traits. We all do this a little, but I do it to the extreme. Let me remind you of Chuck Palahniuk's quote:

"We are all just the combined effort of everyone we've ever known."

And it's true. But like I said... I am more spongey then most. It's as bad as if the people around me are bored or depressed... suddenly I will feel the same, but more or less feel like it is my responsibility to change it. To make them feel better and have a better time. I suppose that's why I make such a great hostess? Sometimes I feel like there is almost no one in this world anymore with manners.

But again, I digress... just since I have been back in Utah, my girlfriends have helped me to realize that I truly have NO IDEA what I want. I do know now that I am definitely NOT ready to settle down yet. I am not ready to get married and have kids... and I don't even see it in my immediate future. A long time ago, I made an oath to myself to NOT get married until I am at least thirty... and I am resubmitting that oath. I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. For the last almost seven years... pretty much since high school, I have jumped from relationship to relationship, without even noticing it. --I guess part of me was trying to make up for the lack of dating I did while IN high school.-- My point is... I need time to be single. From the months of February till May this year was the only time I was 100% single. I was working hard, going to the gym every day, eating well, pampering myself, and playing with my girlfriends. With the exception of the still fresh heart-ache, I was completely happy with myself. I was feeling sexy, independant, and well... awesome.

I've finally realized, everyone keeps telling me to not be like my mom, which means, "don't be too picky about the guys you date, you don't want to end up alone." and instead, it has made me do the exact opposite. Instead of being overly picky, (which I am in my head anyways) I accept things in guys that actually really drive me crazy. I find myself feeling bothered by something, but then say, "now I don't want to end up alone, so I'll just look past it."
This is NOT the right thing to do!!! There needs to be a middle ground. I have to find someone who I love no matter what their flaws are, someone I love unconditionally no matter what. Honestly, there's only been two times I thought I felt that... but when I look back... it just doesn't look the same. I'm realizing I'm not in my right state of mind when I start dating someone. Another thing that I need to work on.


When a person gets out of relationship, it is usually hard to adjust to being alone again. When in a relationship you become a 'we' instead of an 'I'. However, I feel I have too long allowed myself to be a "we"... and I need to take this opportunity to be ME. Have you ever seen "Runaway Bride"? Well there's a part in it where Julia Roberts' character realizes that she has no idea who she is.. that she just conforms to the guys that she dates, which is continuous. There's a crucial scene where she realizes she has no idea how she likes her eggs prepared, because she would just eat them however her boyfriend would. Well I feel like that. Not to that extreme, but pretty close. It just seems so odd that I went from dating a hiking/biking/vegetarian to a gun- shooting/truck driving/carnivore. Clearly, I don't know what I want. (which is obviously the running theme here.)

It is time for me to be me. Time for me to find MY voice again. Have MY OWN opinions. Be MYSELF, by MYSELF. AND most importantly of all, rekindle my relationship with my girlfriends. I love you guys... er I mean, GIRLS.


Sincerely,
Figuring it out


P.S. This blog was not meant to offend anyone...(more specifically, ex-boyfriends) If it has, I am truly sorry. As all my blogs, this is just a collection of thoughts I have been having lately. Every single person I have dated, I loved at the time and still love do have love for them. I learned much from each one of you and I am truly happy that I had the priviledge to date every one of you. You all will hold a very dear place in my heart, and I hope that you can see where I'm coming from, and not be offended in any way by my thoughts/decisions.

Trying...

Wow, so driving 800 miles with an unsedated cat is MISERABLE!!! The sounds that came out of her mouth were seriously frightening.. came right from the gut and were as irritating as the sound of a babies crying hysterically. But I have to say, Bjork is probably the BEST cat EVER!! I mean, she loves me!! Truly truly loves me. She would NOT get off my lap (except to do the occasional pacing around)...and whenever I got out of the car she would paw at the window with this, "don't leave me" look. AND when we would stop at gas stations, a couple times she jumped out of the car...but would just pace around by me and wherever I was! Once or twice she wondered off, but as soon as I realized and called her back, she would prance right back into my arms. How many cats do you know of that would do that?!? I also noticed at the hotel last night that when she looks at me, it's like she has googley baby eyes. She truly loves me, and I her... oh what a wonderful relationship.
Speaking of relationships.... let's not speak of relationships. :(

So I'm back at my Mom's house. I've been here for about an hour now and I've already heard two unexplainable noises. Guess the ghosts know I'm back. Yay. I can't wait to sleep in the basement by myself. ahhhh!!! Speaking of ghosts, did anyone go see the movie 'Paranormal Activity'??? We went and saw it on Sunday. That movie F*CKED ME UP!!! I seriously haven't slept well ever since!!! (well i haven't slept well in months, but now it's out of fear!) Such a horrifying movie!

On another topic, I went to a little German town called Leavenworth in Washington this weekend for a little thing called Oktoberfest. It was AWESOME!!! We met up with some other people we met up in Montana (the BEST people up there).. and well, the whole weekend was a blurry blast of debauchery and drunken-ness madness. Oh, and the chicken dance. That DAMN SONG!!! It is STILL stuck in my head. That song is ONLY fun the first time you hear it. Not when you hear it in one tent... then the second tent... then the third tent. I bet the bands were ordered to play that song a couple times every hour. DA NA NA NA NA NA, DA NANANANAN NA NA NA NA NA CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP.... AAAAHAHHHHHH!!!! But the beer was delicious and plentiful, and the company was wonderful! Plus we rented a really awesome house up there, and it had A HOT TUB!!! Needless to say, lots of nudity persued. :) Love you guys!

So anyways, here I am trying to distract myself from things... trying to figure out what to do with my life... trying to figure out what to be for halloween (I think I've decided, but I'm not telling)... trying to find a job... trying not to be scared of the basement... trying to relax and unwind... and well... I'm trying.

(I added this picture because the 'double fingers'

totally explain my life right now;

Some things are 'thumbs up'...others are 'middle finger'. )

"My brain is a burger and my heart is the charcoal"

New Jersey?

So I just took one of those quizzes on Facebook entitled, "What U.S. State do you belong in?" With the results 'New Jersey.' Now I don't necessarily agree with the choice of state --course I've never been to NJ so I couldn't say for sure-- But the little paragraph that came with it almost took my breathe away! It is SO relative to me, and where mind my set is in life these days that I almost can't believe it came in a stupid quiz. Therefore, I decided to share it:

"You have spunk, style, and charisma like no other! Cool drinks, good friends, and a warm summer breeze off the Atlantic are all you need to be completely content. You may not realize your full potential until you are a bit older, but you know for sure that if you put your mind to it, you can do absolutely anything. When obstacles stand in your way, you tactfully, creatively, and successfully overcome them. You are extremely adventurous and daring, but grounded all the same. Your family means the world to you, and when you are done exploring all the opportunities the world has to offer, you know that home is where the heart is. Love comes easy to you, which is why you'll find the love of your life in high school, college, or shortly thereafter."

Woah.

STAY ALIVE!!

So I found another great horror movie to add to your list this month. I don't know how I had never heard of it, but thank goodness Brad had!
It's got such a fun unique story line. It is again, about a 'B' rated movie, but it has enough creepies in it to give you the heebie jeebies!! (fun sentence!)

It's about a super scary video game, and when you die in the game, you die in real life. Watch out if you love scary video games, like me. So check it!

Boo!....ish

So since the job search has been completely and utterly unsuccessful, (I didn't realize that Oregon has the highest unemployment rate in the country right now) I will be heading back to Utah at the beginning of next week. I know I can get a job out there, so for me to sit around here waiting and waiting and getting further in debt is just silly.
Also, Brad has a job waiting for him in Ireland, (lucky bastard) therefore as he usually does every winter, he will be heading back to Ireland to work on a ranch out there, breaking and training horses. Hopefully I can save up enough money to get a passport and plane ticket to go visit him... I have ALWAYS wanted to go to Ireland.
I'm bummed, because I was extremely excited to live in Portland, and to have a snow-less winter. And because I'm going back to OO-tah. :P

However, I am EXTREMELY excited to see my Mom!!! It has been too long (it's always too long if I go over a month). And of course to see all my wonderful friends. And what better way to spend Halloween then in a haunted house?! haha....ha, eek!
[no really, I'm actually scared to sleep in the basement by myself, and I'm like what, 24 now?!]

I only plan to be there until January, and then hopefully I can stay true to my course of moving to Portland after I've saved up some money, or at least gotten myself out of debt. But only time can tell what the future holds for us...So I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

So anyways, watch out Utah... here I come!
(back...again...)
*sigh*

Kitties on a treadmill

This is hilarious!!! See me and my kitty BOTH need a treadmill!!!

Cats on a Treadmill - watch more funny videos

HORROR!!

So it's the wonderful month of October. My favorite month of the year! Not only is it fall-time, but this is the month that holds my favorite holiday, Halloween. I still have no clue what I am going to be this year, and that is driving me mad. But as always, I'm sure last second I'll pull something awesome together. The one thing I have always wanted to be for Halloween, is half man half woman. I have the costume visualized so perfectly in my head, that until I take the time to buy the clothes and actually sew them together, I refuse to do the costume half-assed.
One side would be a suit and the other side would be a red cocktail dress, sewn up the middle. On the female side I would keep my hair down and curly, wearing make-up, etc. And on the male side I would pull my hair back in a bun and draw on a little mustache. It would be awesome! And since I have yet to do it, I find myself haunted by the lack of planning every year.

Here's a photo of one of my favorite costumes I did, it was the year I went as Jessica Rabbit...

Course most people couldn't tell what I was because I didn't stuff my bra enough. Let's see, that had to have been in 2006, cause I was living w/ charlotte still...

Anyways, the reason I wrote this blog was because I have found myself talking about horror movies lately. I realize that since I am a movie buff, and a horror freak, I tend to know more horror movies then most people. I debated making a list of all of my favorites, the ones that really scared me sleep-less, starting with "Pet Cemetery" all the way up to "The Ring." But I have yet to compile that list, as I know it will take a pretty minute. So instead I have decided to tell you about a few horror movies that you have probably never heard of, but totally need to see. All are what you would call 'B' movies with 'B' actors, meaning you've probably never heard of them and they never went to theaters, but none-the-less, they are good. Great even. The story lines both are totally unique even though at first glance you wouldn't think so. And both of them are a very clever kind of scary.

Without further ado,
here are the three movies that you MUST rent and watch,
in this wonderful month of horror!!


THE ABANDONED

AND

MADHOUSE


And then one of my all time favorite horror flicks, that still to this day gives me the chills whenever I watch it:


THE CHANGELING

(not to be confused with the new movie that just came out w/ Angelina Jolie)

Great movies that deserve more recognition. I will still probably make a list of my favorites -maybe just the top ten- for those of you looking for a good scare this month. Till then,

HAPPY HAUNTINGS!!!

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I think this may be the funniest show on the planet! I am in hysterical, comical love.
"Beatbox"

Portland

What a perfect place for someone who loves bridges to live. We went down to the city again the other day. What a wonderful and beautiful city. You know the community is actually trying to get more people to ride bicycles then drive cars!!? How bad-ass is that?! There were bikers everywhere! And what I especially love about the city is there are not really any huge hills, small inclines here and there, but nothing like San Francisco. I can't wait until I live close enough that I can bike around. There's also tons of little vintage shops. So one day I'm going to take my bike around to all those little shops and have a splendid little shopping/biking day. I plan to count how many coffee shops I pass on my route. ;)
I've also re-decided that I love gray weather! I always have, and here's why: First of all, jacket weather is my favorite! I love wearing sweaters and jackets and scarfs... but not coats and gloves. When it is gray outside, you can still go outside and do whatever you want, as long as its just gray and not raining. OR if you choose to, you can stay inside without feeling guilty about it. See when it's constantly sunny outside, I feel guilty for sitting in the house, no matter how tired I may be, I always feel like the sun is mocking me. (to be said in a low goofy voice) "Come on Crystal, Mr. Sun is out here shining bright as ever on this beautiful day! You should not be sitting inside." Also, if the sun only comes up every few days then you feel MORE excited to get outside and play in it. Besides, it has been sunny almost every day here. Most days the weather is very schizophrenic. It will be gray, then sunny, then gray, then sprinkle, then get sunny again. We've actually had days that got up to 90+ degrees here. I didn't realize it got so hot on the west coast. Course I am waiting for all this "constant rain" that everyone says they have here. I'm being told that it is like that through the winter... and you know what? I will absolutely take 4+ months of rain over snow, any day.
Anyways, here's some of the pictures:

(it was windy, I promise my hair wasn't that messy)

(doesn't this look like the fountain on
Married w/ Children? hehe)

(I think she looks better in the Mountains...)

(como wha??)

(this guy was walking his cat on a leash...
I bet that cat was pissed!)



Oh, we also went to Merwin Lake on Sunday with a couple of wealthy folk that we met...
However, when we got there the battery on their boat was dead.
But no worries, we had plenty of beer, so we just sat on the dock and drank. Beautiful day.

By-the-way, I can buy Fat Tire whenever I want now!!!
neee-neeeerrrrr neee-neeeerrrrr!