Sunday, November 29, 2009

Forgive and Forget

To 'forgive and forget' is a concept that has been around for centuries. Lately, I find myself wondering about this concept, and how healthy it really is. I know that it seems like the best policy, but isn't it also true that history repeats itself? If someone wrongs you, is it really best to forget about it and move on? But then what if it happens again, and maybe even again? I think there is a huge line where you no longer should be forgiving OR especially forgetting when a person has wronged you more than once.
I know I am a very big advocate of this policy. I forgive and forget, far to easily. You hurt me, I'm pissed... you apologize, I let it go. I have done this too many times, for too many undeserving people. I have allowed myself to be hurt reptitively, simply for giving the wrong people the un-deserving benefit of the doubt.
The problem: thinking people will change. Thinking that they "won't do it again" or that "they've learned their lesson."
The Truth: people don't change.

Yes, people can grow, learn new things, have new idea's, and POSSIBLY change a little of themselves... but in the long run, I feel like the deep seeded problems,-- the one's dating back to childhood-- those are with us forever. Even when seeking professional help, I know a person can learn about their problems, acknowledge their existance, confront them even... but can you actually get rid of them? Become a different person? Mind over matter?

Even if it is a possibility that someone has wronged you and you decide to forgive them, is it really safe to forget? Wouldn't it be more likely for these problems to repeat themselves if we push the incident out of our heads? And can we ever really forget these things??
As said in Sex and the City, "Can you really forgive, if you can't really forget?"

Some people carry burdens with them throughout their whole lives. My Mom for example, hardly ever lets go of anything. She claims she has a "suitcase" in which she carries around incidents that still tick her off to this day. Example: she is still mad at a girl who threw sand in my face in elementary school! Me on the other hand? I forgave the girl for it, and moved on... but I certainly haven't forgotten it.

I really don't know where I am going with this... it's just something I have been thinking about lately. Also ties in with the whole concept of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." While it may seem like a good idea to block out memories, good or bad, about a person... I don't think it really is. The healthy solution is to become at peace with these things, and learn not to dwell on anything for too long. Only keep things that are healthy in your life, and if you are consistently being disappointed by a person or situation, it's time to move on from it. (I wanna try getting my chakra's cleaned)

Everything in this life is an experience. Situations to learn from, both positive and negative. Life is a rollercoaster people... just enjoy the ride. (I've had way to much time to drown myself in thoughts lately)

"As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, woulda, shoulda, buckle up, and just keep going." --Carrie Bradshaw

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