uuummm creeepyy!!!!

So I was walking through the video store yesterday, just checkin out the new releases, when an interesting cover catches my eye....

"DEADLINE"

Starring: Brittany Murphy

Doesn't this uber uuuuber creep you out?!?! When I saw it, I literally came to a dead stop! (no pun intended) I just stared at it in horror! and the title... "deadline"... seriously... yikes.
However, the cover picture of the video that I saw in the store had Brittany Murphy IN the tub... in this picture it's switched and Thora Birch is in the tub. --Or else, the dyslexia has gotten way way worse....

Either way, seriously creepy timing for her to come out with a movie called "Deadline."
And still, hope you're resting peacefully dearest Brittany.


P.S. I plan to rent it next time I have a horror movie night.

Tis' the season to be jolly!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! This is most certainly NOT my favorite holiday of all time, but I can definitely appreciate a nice day off work relaxing with my Mom, some soy nog, tea, a fire, and me and mom's adorable little "christmas tree" (which is a plant with christmas lights on it). ha.

I also like that the holiday sorta forces you to keep in contact with family and friends... while Mom and I opted to stay home and spend Christmas alone together this year, yesterday (after a horrible half day of work) I made sure to visit a good handful of friends to give them their gifts. As far as I can tell, all of my friends have been naughty this year; therefore, my gift to each one of them was coal. Seriously, coal. And a bottle of Pink champagne, so they can continue to be naughty into this next year. :) Everyone thought it was precious. (including myself--thank you dollar tree) Also, you can regift it!!! Nothing better than being able to recycle gifts and continue spreading the christmas cheer. :)

[the note says: "Santa told me you've been naughty... (so was I)
Merry Christmas anyways."]

They're only pretending not to like the coal....

Also, for those of you who didn't receive one (my bad), here is a copy of my Christmas card this year. Thank god (or santa? or Austin?) that it is better than the one last year!! At least this year I don't look 100 pounds heavier than I actually am! -Just to be on the safe side though, I decided to bundle up.- Oh and there was just no way to make Bjork not look scared.

Thank you Austin for helping me with this! It turned out great!

SO, I hope everyone's doing whatever they enjoy doing on this here holiday. I also hope everyone took two hours out of their day to watch Christmas Vacation.... because what's a christmas without the Griswalds?!? As for me, I am very much looking forward to Geoff's annual "family of friends" Christmas party (that I should be getting ready for). I think by the end of the week I will have seen the majority of my favorite people that I used to hang out with back in High School.... YAY for reunions and reminiscing. :)

OH AND I finally got me a tea kettle! I get so excited when it whistles at me!! hehe. Mom bought Tazo tea instead though... it's good, but not as good as Yogi tea of course. However, I do love the sayings on the back:
"After Mt. Mazama erupted 7,700 years ago, thre was a spot in the southern Cascades where you could feel the warmth of the lava and the cool of the jet stream. Drinking a cup of Refresh tea is sort of like that."
Doesn't that make it sound delictably devine?!
and...


"True passion is intoxicating and invigorating, soothing and sensuous, mysterious and magical. We just thought you should know what you're in for."


Loves it. But I'm thinkin it's almost time to switch to the poison....

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!!!

Brittany Murphy dies at 32.....really?!?!

Brittany Murphy was reported to have died early this morning due to cardiac arrest, at the ripe age of 32. I can't believe it! She was so young!!...Cocaine is a hell of a drug!!... Really, I shouldn't jump to conclusions, no one said (out loud) that she was on drugs....but at 32?!? What else could it be?! And I don't know if anyone has seen pictures of her husband, but I would imagine she would need to be on drugs to marry him. (But I'm sure he's really really nice!)

We'll miss your hotness Brittany.

Rest in peace, Brittany Murphy... I love every movie you've been in!

--Of course, Clueless is at the top of the list--

"Noddin my head like, yeah...

Movin my hips like, yeah. Got my hands up, they're playing my song, you know I'm gonna be okay..."

Anyways, I had to share this song with whoever is reading this. I absolutely can not sit still during this song! It is simply ammmaazzzzzing!!!! (not the one I was just quoting)
So for anyone out there who is unfortunate enough to not have heard it.... enjoy :)






(P.S. I may write about blog about the Dexter finale....... BUT I worry about ruining it for anyone who isn't caught up.... but for now I'll just say, well, wow... there really are no words!)

Dexter Finale

Hello, DEXTER MORGAN!

!!!GASP!!!!

....I can NOT stop thinking about Dexter!!! They really really did a brilliant job keeping me hanging on that last episode, I have been thinking about it all week! Tonight is the season finale, and I have absolutely NO IDEA what is going to happen! I am SO freaking excited to watch it!!!

Wanna hear my hopeful prediction??

--if not look away now!--

I hope that they keep the trinity killer on for another season! I am not ready to let go of John Lithgow! I love him so much! Just when you think he couldn't get more brilliant... he does! And man, his character, I mean, COME ON!! What a Pyschopath!!! Arthur Mitchell is seriously the epitamy of CRAZY!!!

AAAHHHH I'm so excited!!!

P.S. Did you know (or care) that Michael C. Hall (who plays Dexter)

is married to Jennifer Carpenter (who plays his sister?!)

Weird.

Winter Insight

"In winter, people and animals sleep more, stay indoors, and rely on their stores of food and fuel to get them through this season. There is a minimum of daylight and the natural cycle is to turn inward and hibernate. (In this age, of course, most people consider seasons irrelevant, so we're unlikely to see much hibernation going on.) One of the best ways to stay healthy is to be in tune with the dynamic of the season. This time of year that means going to bed earlier, being a bit less active, and rejuvenating yourself to be ready for spring.

Don't be discouraged if you have less energy in the winter -- there is less energy around you -- use what you have wisely. Finally, take this lesson beyond the current season. The energy of water is not only present from December to March -- there should be a 'winter' in every day and at the end of every project you take on -- the period of rest and stillness, of turning inward and taking inventory. This phase is a vital part of life and longevity, and yet it is probably the most neglected in our modern lifestyle."

Eff'n Winter

I hope everyone out there who loves snow sports is just beaming today!! YAY it's been snowing all day!! As for me... here are my thoughts on the matter:



After bundling up and shovelling the damn driveway, I intend to drink tea and watch movies all day long. I will not go out in this kind of weather. I swear living down in this gulley, creates more snow fall! And, in order to get anywhere, my car only has the option to trek it up one huge hill, or another huge hill. psh.
I did not plan to spend another winter here... and I hope that this year, -and then probably next years, since school is a year program- will be the last winters I spend here in Utah... and then hopefully I can live winter-free for a few years.

I once read a really cool insight about winter... I have it saved on my laptop... I'll bring my laptop upstairs sometime today and write it on here for ya'll. (Since I'll be staying in all day)

Stay safe and warm everyone!

Sincerely,

Trapped by a blizzard

P.S. Wanna know something really nice? Having friends that live across the street. Hey guys, wanna come across the street and hookah and watch movies with me?! That's right you do!! :)

What's so wise about em anyway?!

Wisom teeth... What is the deal with wisdom teeth?! Why do they just come in whenever they want, just to screw up the rest of your mouth?!? Okay, this sounds like the beginning of a bad Jerry Seinfeld joke. I went to the dentist yesterday, and found out that I not only have TWO cavities, BUUUUT that my gums decided it would be a good idea to grow a wisdom tooth in my face! I was always told that my mouth was too small and that I most likely wouldn't get any wisdom teeth. Well, that was the case until recently. Just one.. one little bastard who decided to implant himself into the left side of my mouth. Jerk. I am done going to doctors...they just keep finding things wrong with me. >: /

Here's how I feel about getting my wisdom tooth removed:

On another note, I am all signed up and set to go for college. I am getting super excited for it. I'm also very nervous because I haven't had to study or do homework for so many years... I hope I can muster up the discipline. I've always hated homework. By the way, I chose Myotherapy College. It had a much more comfortable feel to it... they take a more hollistic approach to the therapy of massage. When I was at the UCMT, I just kind of felt like they were trying to sell me a car. Talking lots of numbers and just repetitively telling me how amazing the school is, and I'm crazy to pick anywhere else. (he didn't actually say that) Plus, Myotherapy also has the option of elective courses you can take, the UCMT didn't. They have tons of electives! Some of the ones that excite me the most are: Aroma Therapy, Crystal/Stone Awareness, Herbology, and Reiki! I have ALWAYS wanted to learn about Reiki. I know I could use a good cleansing of the chakras after the year I've had. They also have Yoga for a course... how cool is that?!


Also, I start work on Monday. I am ever so fortunate that my old job took me back...or at least that they needed someone. I did enjoy that job.. while all jobs have there negatives, and it does, it is still a lovely place to work. Extremely nice people to work with, and hey, it's pretty cool being surrounded by flowers all day. Plus, when we have slow days, it will be a good environment to study in. Which I will do whether they want me to or not. :P

P.S. Need flowers?

http://www.roseshopinc.com/

Oh yeah, I also found a place to live! Yipee! It's in the Foothill Place Apt's... not exactly the location I desire, but it's as cheap as I'll find for a really nice place. Plus the girl I'm moving in with seems really cool. When I got to the place to check it out, she answered the door holding a bloody mary. My first thought was, "Oh... we are going to get along swimmingly!" It's a nice place! The kitchen is all new, granite counter tops, hard wood flooring... there's a patio which is about ground level, (just a little below) which is perfect for my Bjorky! Oh and the best? There are two different vanity rooms, and in between them is the toilet and shower... all separated with doors!!! That way we almost have our own bathrooms. Also there's a pool, a hot tub, a work out room, etc....Pretty bad ass, eh?! okay, I'll quite gushing.

Side Note:

My tea says,

"Travel light,

live light,

spread the light

be the light."

I am very much looking forward to this brand new year that is upon us. I want to do something epic this new years eve, to send this year off with a blurry bang!

This message brought to you buy my Lily Allen Radio Station, on Pandora.

All You Need Is Love

Wish you were here....

Feel like laughing...?

...Your ass off???

Click it!

http://www.jonlajoie.com/

Come together, right now, over me.

Sometimes, things just won't work out. Sometimes, things fall right into place. My life has done both in the last few months. It all fell apart, and as I am picking up the pieces, finally something clicked, and now it is all falling into place. I have an appointment with the people at UCMT on Thursday. Since I was going to be right there across from my old job, I decided to call them and see who would be working, so that I could come in and say hi. Turns out, they want me back. I can't help but think how incredibly convenient it would be to work across the street from my school and vice verse. HOWEVER, they're both in Salt Lake... and I'm still in crappy Ogden. I know myself well enough to know that that commute twice a day will not work out very long for me. (I know, I've tried it before) Especially in winter!!!

Therefore, it looks like I'll probably be moving back to Salt Lake. *sigh* I have very mixed feelings on the subject, as usual. In one hand, I will be back in Salt Lake, out of Ogden, and hopefully can find a place right next to these two things so that all I have to do is walk everywhere. On the other hand, that means I would have to pay rent!!! How will I pay off all the debt I've put myself in, when I have to pay rent!?! Grrr... Also, I would have to find a roommate. There's no way I can/will afford to live in my own place, and that also kinda sucks, but after all the living with other people I've done this year, it won't be a problem.

So if there's anyone out there fixing to get a new roommate/new apt in Salt Lake... I'm a lovely person to live with! :)

Also, I have a meeting with my card reader on Thursday, as well. I'm totally looking forward for it!!! I am excited to see what he has to say about my new career choice. I know that he will put everything into perspective for me and help me see things more clearly, he is so much better than any guidance counselour or therapist!!! If anyone reading this has an interest in seeing him, he is an Angel Card Reader. Everything he does is based on positivity, affirmations, and moving your life in a forward positive manner. He is an absolutely amazing person, and I promise you will leave there feeling like a changed man/woman!!! Here's a link to his site for more information: http://www.yourangelsguidance.com/

So anyways, perhaps everything will come together. Right now. Over me. *Shrug* Either way, I am happy with how things are starting to look up.

Sincerely,

Sassy Pants

P.S. Random thought: how is it possible that I don't own a tea kettle yet?!?! With how much tea I drink, it is completely absurd that I don't have one. Someone should give me one for Christmas! :P

Trinity Killer!!!

O.M.G.!!!

Why is NO ONE watching this season of Dexter?!?!?!?

I have been DYING to talk to someone about it!!!

(someone else, besides my brother)

John Lithgow is a GENIUS!!!

Could they have chosen a better serial killer?!?

Absolutely NOT!!!

He is SOOO good at acting effing CRAZY!!!

I love him!

This season is so good!!!!

WATCH IT PEOPLE!!!

WATCH IT!!!

(and then come talk to me about it!)

Evolution of Dance

This is brilliant. Click it.

Dancing makes me happy.

"Evolution of Dance"

Forgive and Forget

To 'forgive and forget' is a concept that has been around for centuries. Lately, I find myself wondering about this concept, and how healthy it really is. I know that it seems like the best policy, but isn't it also true that history repeats itself? If someone wrongs you, is it really best to forget about it and move on? But then what if it happens again, and maybe even again? I think there is a huge line where you no longer should be forgiving OR especially forgetting when a person has wronged you more than once.
I know I am a very big advocate of this policy. I forgive and forget, far to easily. You hurt me, I'm pissed... you apologize, I let it go. I have done this too many times, for too many undeserving people. I have allowed myself to be hurt reptitively, simply for giving the wrong people the un-deserving benefit of the doubt.
The problem: thinking people will change. Thinking that they "won't do it again" or that "they've learned their lesson."
The Truth: people don't change.

Yes, people can grow, learn new things, have new idea's, and POSSIBLY change a little of themselves... but in the long run, I feel like the deep seeded problems,-- the one's dating back to childhood-- those are with us forever. Even when seeking professional help, I know a person can learn about their problems, acknowledge their existance, confront them even... but can you actually get rid of them? Become a different person? Mind over matter?

Even if it is a possibility that someone has wronged you and you decide to forgive them, is it really safe to forget? Wouldn't it be more likely for these problems to repeat themselves if we push the incident out of our heads? And can we ever really forget these things??
As said in Sex and the City, "Can you really forgive, if you can't really forget?"

Some people carry burdens with them throughout their whole lives. My Mom for example, hardly ever lets go of anything. She claims she has a "suitcase" in which she carries around incidents that still tick her off to this day. Example: she is still mad at a girl who threw sand in my face in elementary school! Me on the other hand? I forgave the girl for it, and moved on... but I certainly haven't forgotten it.

I really don't know where I am going with this... it's just something I have been thinking about lately. Also ties in with the whole concept of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." While it may seem like a good idea to block out memories, good or bad, about a person... I don't think it really is. The healthy solution is to become at peace with these things, and learn not to dwell on anything for too long. Only keep things that are healthy in your life, and if you are consistently being disappointed by a person or situation, it's time to move on from it. (I wanna try getting my chakra's cleaned)

Everything in this life is an experience. Situations to learn from, both positive and negative. Life is a rollercoaster people... just enjoy the ride. (I've had way to much time to drown myself in thoughts lately)

"As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, woulda, shoulda, buckle up, and just keep going." --Carrie Bradshaw

The Inner Goddess

So since I've been back home, I've been trying to "find myself" again. Also, I have been attempting to tap into my inner goddess. I have been wearing more dresses and skirts, more jewelry, and a little more make up. I've been trying to care more about my appearance, the way girlie girls do. I've never been a girlie girl... in fact, I usually just throw on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and run a comb through my hair. It has been a fun difference to get dressed up more often. Of course, the crappy part is that my shoe options are now limited since my having to wear a heel lift due to my short leg syndrome. meh :( But at least I can still wear cute boots! The funny thing about this, is I am only doing it for myself. I have no interest in attracting someone to me... I just want to feel girlie and cute, for ME.

(it looks like I'm posing for this picture,

but really I was just putting on my necklace,

and Mom said Smile)

But I digress... In trying to find myself, I am also trying to figure out what exactly I want to do with my life. (Aren't we all?) I finally believe I have come to a decision, which irronically (or irritatingly) enough, is the first option I decided on back in high school.... I'm going to get my massage therapy license. I have always enjoyed giving people massages, and I also very much enjoy helping others feel good. I'm also entertaining the idea of continuing into Physical Therapy. I just really want a career (you know, since I HAVE to pick one) that helps people feel better. If I had enough motivation, I would probably also try becoming a personal trainer... But it's hard enough for me to drag my own ass to the gym, let alone other peoples'. I would be a nurse if I could, but let's face it, Crystal doesn't do so well with needles.... and by that I mean I am f*cking terrified of them!!! I also don't care much for cutting people open. ick! So massage therapy seems right up my alley!! --Plus, I might be able to find out more about spinal problems, and how to fix them myself!-- ha.

So anyways, just thought I would share that bit of knowledge that I have come up with. Now I am trying to decide if UCMT is a better choice then the Ogden Institute of Massage Therapy... I'm sure it is... but is it so much better that I should make the commute? If anyone has any suggestions or advice on this subject, PLEASE let me know!!

Oh and also, I still desperately need a job... --one in Ogden, not Salt Lake-- if anyone cares to help me out in that area as well, it would be greatly appreciated. (Go figure that the week I decide to go out of town, I miss the opportunity to be on TWO different commercials... now there's nothing! argh!)

Thanks y'all!

P.S. how great has this weather been lately!? Can we continue to postpone snow, like, forever? :P

P.P.S. I love my big fat fluff ball of a cat!

Scoliosis

So there was a Chiropractor who was advertising (if that's what you'd call it) at my Mom's store... you know, "Bad bed giving you back problems?" it makes sense. Anyways, so because of this my mom told me I had to come down and get a free screening with him since I'm always complaining about my back hurting. I thought, why not? So I went and he preformed some little tests with machine dealies, and it actually showed that my back had a lot more heat/strain on the right side then the left... he suggested I come in for a full screening, X-Rays and the whole nine yards. Since he more then cut the price in half, I agreed.

So on Tuesday this week I went and got my X-Rays, and the standard stretching tests, you know: "does this hurt? can you feel this? Does this feel different then this?" Then he said he wanted to wait for the X-Rays to get developed before he could do anything further, so I made an appointment for the next day. On Wednesday, I go in and he takes me into this little room... He has me sit down, and at this point I'm starting to get nervous because of how serious/sullen he is acting. He puts my X-Rays on the screen and says, "you know, I just thought this was going to be a standard screening, and you'd just need a few adjustments, but.... as it turns out.... you actually have Scoliosis." And I tell ya, if I hadn't seen my x-rays I might not believe him... however, I did see them, and they were bad! Scary even! My spine takes a dramatic curve to the right up at the top by my shoulders (where I'm always having pain). He says he doesn't understand how I made it through all of the checks that the schools perform... stupid teachers!

He says that my scoliosis could be the very reason that I have asthma! My spine curves right where the nerves are that control the immune system, AND thats most likely why I have asthma and allergies. Crazy!! Oh, it's also the reason I have such bad TMJ... and for those of you who have ever eaten with me, you know just how bad it is!

Also, turns out that my right leg is 14mm shorter than my left leg.... which could be the very reason my spine starting curving to begin with. On the x-rays for my hips, they totally did not line up, at all. So to correct this problem, I now have to wear a heel lift in my shoe.... which means, I gotta kiss the high heels goodbye for a while. meh :( The funny thing, is that the highest heel lift available is only 7mm ... I guess in the reality of it, 14mm is a HUGE deal when it comes to throwing off alignment of the spine.

SO, that's that... he said it's of course up to me in what I want to do about it... but if I let it go untreated, it is very possible that I will require back surgery when I'm older. *sigh* So to avoid that... I will be going to his treatments, just as soon as I get a job. He told me the best thing, would be to go in THREE TIMES A WEEK... for about 13'ish weeks. Of course, I must admit, after he twisted and cracked and popped me... I felt amazing!! It was like I was coming out of a cocoon! Of course, now today I'm all sore from it... but that was to be expected.

Therefore, for all of you who have heard me complaining about back problems, OR knee problems (because it's quite possibly the reason I have bad knees), now we all know why.

Oh and

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

This year I am thankful for my health, above all!!

and of course my mom....

and my friends....

and food....

and bjork....

and......

Jack is awesome!

I just wanted to dedicate a blog to my good friend Jack. (who claims he reads my blogs occasionally)

It was his birthday on Monday, and because of that I decided to take him to dinner! ...and then to breakfast.... and then another dinner. --Damn I'm nice!--

Well anyways, I just want to say how happy I am that he was birthed into this world... and also that I have had the opportunity to meet him and be his friend.

You are nothing short of amazing Jack! I luff you!!

"If we listen to each other's hearts,

we'll find we're never too far apart...

and MAYBE love is the reason why...

for the first time ever seein it, eye to eye.

SEEEIN IT! EYE 2 EYE!"

Florida was AWESOME!!!

It was a wonderful 83-85 degrees the whole time, with not a cloud in the sky!!! The air was just humid enough that you could feel the difference, but not so overwhelming that you constantly feel wet. My hair and my skin have never felt softer, OR had such an incredible glow! We spent the majority of our time at the pool (shown above) or the beach (shown below), because in those weather conditions, it is just ridiculous to stay inside! My mom is now convinced she wants to move there, and I'm all for it!! Well, I'm all for HER moving there... as for me... I could maybe move there when I was older, but it was, as advertised, full of old people. So if I ever get the opportunity to retire... that's where I'll go to do it.

It's amazing how much of a difference elevation has on the body. When I got off the plane and walked into the Salt Lake City airport, I literally felt like I couldn't take a deep breathe. I also, almost instantly needed chapstick and lotion. Not to mention it was like 18 degrees when we landed. Ugh.
I definitely need to live by a beach, AND mountains... and around sea level where I can bike and don't have an asthma attack!!

Oh! And another thing about Florida.... they have "Panther Crossing" signs!!!! The same way we have "Deer Crossing" signs!!! It's awesome!!! I totally wanted a picture of one, but they are only on the big highways where I couldn't stop. But if any of you know of Jack's graphic novel... me getting a picture in front of that sign would be brilliant!!! Too bad.

Florida Sun...

Here I come!

Me and Mom are going to visit her friend in Florida this week. Our flight leaves tonight. I'm so excited to be getting out of this cold and into 80 degree weather!!! Hopefully I can bring back a tan!... (oh silly wishful thinking). So peace out Utah! Won't be seein you next week!

Lynx?

There is some sort of feline creature roaming around in the woods behind my Mom's house... It is either the BIGGEST house cat I have EVER seen, or is it some sort of cougar that escaped the mountains and crossed over several highways to get here. I have NO clue what is is! But I can tell you, it looks like a lynx. Do we even have those in Utah? I know they can be found somewhere in North America... But here in Utah? I've tried to go outside to look at it, but honestly it's a bit intimidating. It appears as if it would come up to the height of my knee!! It's like brown with black spots... always looks like it's stalking some sort of prey... I'm sure this beast is who bit my cat on the foot this summer, the bastard. Here's a picture of a Lynx, and I tell ya, this is pretty much what this thing looks like. WTF?!

I would take a picture of the real thing.... but I don't have a camera except my phone, and it never stays still long enough for me to get a good one. But I must say I am facinated by this creature, and love when I actually catch it lurking around the back yard.

Dear Yogi Tea,

You are effing delicious!

Thank you for being so magnificent!

Zombieland

The number one rule in Zombieland:

-Cardio

If this is true, then according to my experience on the ellipical machine yesterday,

I would currently not survive a Zombie attack.

I plan on spending two hours, every day, in the gym...

for the rest of time.

Amen.

(P.S. the movie Zombieland, was totally awesome!)

10 Sad Sad Facts

1. I've only been back in Ogden for two weeks now.... and I'm already ready to leave again. I mean, I love seeing my friends and being with my Mom, but Ogden is...well....Ogden. I feel like I'm 18 all over again; with the thought that if I'm going to live in Utah, I want to at least live in Salt Lake CITY. But really, I'm just ready for something new... again.
2. I feel like I'm the only person my age NOT going to school. I know I probably should be... and yet I have NO desire to.
3. I have attempted to start a cleanse about three times this week. Not eating is just too damn hard!! Dear Food: why do you have to taste so good?!?!
4. The Gold's Gym in Ogden, is NOT affiliated with the Gold's Gym in Salt Lake. WTF?!? Therefore, when my membership automatically starts back up again in January.... I will not be able to go to the gym here. Again: WTF?!?!?!
5. I could start work as a waitress tomorrow if I wanted too.... but for some reason I just DON'T want to do it. I love eating out, and working at a restaurant will spoil that for me. Plus people are so damn rude these days. SO I just continue to sit and collect unemployment, waiting for some sort of awesome job opportunity to just come knocking on my door. -sigh-
6. I am so tainted on love and relationships right now, that even watching actors embrace each other on TV, irks me.
7. I have never felt fatter in my life. It's doing horrible things to my self-esteem. I am so mad at myself for working so hard this spring to look good,(which WAS working) just to ruin it all this summer by drinking my weight in beer and whiskey and never working out. ugh!
8. Just like when I lived here before, I hear voices and strange noises when I'm the only one home....this house is totally and completely haunted. Or I'm entering early stages of Dementia, which is not only possible, but likely.
9. I find it very difficult to turn down the offer of a drink.... I'm pretty sure at this point you could call me a functioning alcoholic. :/

And the last and final sad, sad fact is:

10. I don't think anyone reads my blogs. So I'm bascially just venting to myself.

HALLOWEEN!!! <3

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIIIIMMME...

OF THE YEAR!!!

Half Angel, Half Devil

(seemed very appropriate after my year...)

SHAKE SHAKE, SHAKE SHAKE OH SHAKE IT!

Hey Ladies!

"Crawl-O-Ween"...

Oh how you rocked my world.

We are up to deviant things...

Pretty sure I was only partially coherent at this point in the night...

My favorite costume awards go to:

Kristen as Lady Gaga

and

Andrea as Judy Jettson

AND... even though she didn't grace me with her presence....

Christine as Bjork

You guys rock!!!

My Lovelies

Great girlfriends, great beverages... I figured these pictures should follow my last blog:

I LOVE YOU GIRLS!!!

Girlfriends / Boyfriends

I would like to take this blogging opportunity to convey my feelings on the importance of girlfriends. We females NEED other female comradery like we need air. I believe, that it is vitally important to our well-being to have girlfriends in order to live a full and happy life. About this time last year I was dealing with heartbreak. I so happen to meet another lovely young lady who was also going through heartbreak at the same time. We bonded. We realized in befriending each other, and having one another to rely on--really lightened the pain. This is when I had the epiphany of the real importance of girlfriends. So I put them as my main priority. Made sure I called all my girlfriends just to chat, and tried to put together "girls' nights in/out" etc. Turns out, it was the best thing I could have done for myself.



This (last?) summer I wanted to get out of Utah... more specifically, get out of my 'comfort zone.' Shake things up, get out of my rut, try living in another place. That is why I took the job in Montana. Long story short... I got more out of my comfort zone then I could have imagined.

First off, I learned that I am at least 60% germaphobe. I need my surroundings to be clean. Not 'spic and span eat off the floor' clean... but clean, uncluttered, vacuumed, wiped down, etc. Secondly, I not so much learned as truly realized the effects of alcohol and how it can totally and completely change a person! It can make an otherwise smart person do stupid things, or an otherwise nice person do extremely violent/mean things. What a crazy drug!! And it's legal, but weed isn't?!? I will never understand this theory. You give a group of people alcohol and crazy shit is going to persue... most likely leading to sexual activities or breaking things. You give a group of people weed and they'll all sit in a circle giggling. I don't get it.



But I digress.... Thirdly, I learned that I have NO IDEA what I want out of life. I know that I want to travel, I know that I want to see as many parts of the world as possible, but I've always known that, and that's it. I have also learned that as much as I wanted to escape Utah, this place will always be my home. And I will always be happy to come back here.
I used to think that if a man came to me and said "travel the world with me" I would be putty in his hands. But another thing I've realized, that's not true.
Speaking of men... I have been doing a lot of thinking --AND talking to my girlfriends-- and when I look back at the people I have dated.... NONE of them are even remotely the same type of person. In the last 7 (ish) years I have dated a:

• Dorky-boy
• Rocker-boy
• Hippie-boy
• Politcal Navy-boy
• and a
• Cowboy

It's like I'm at a buffet and I want to sample everything before I can decide on exactly which meal I want to eat. I guess that's not a bad thing that everyone I've dated is completely different, but what does it mean?

I am a Sponge. I know this. I know many have told me this, in nice and rude ways. I tend to absorb the people around me, become like them, do the same things, sometimes end up liking the same things. I also pick up personality traits. We all do this a little, but I do it to the extreme. Let me remind you of Chuck Palahniuk's quote:

"We are all just the combined effort of everyone we've ever known."

And it's true. But like I said... I am more spongey then most. It's as bad as if the people around me are bored or depressed... suddenly I will feel the same, but more or less feel like it is my responsibility to change it. To make them feel better and have a better time. I suppose that's why I make such a great hostess? Sometimes I feel like there is almost no one in this world anymore with manners.

But again, I digress... just since I have been back in Utah, my girlfriends have helped me to realize that I truly have NO IDEA what I want. I do know now that I am definitely NOT ready to settle down yet. I am not ready to get married and have kids... and I don't even see it in my immediate future. A long time ago, I made an oath to myself to NOT get married until I am at least thirty... and I am resubmitting that oath. I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. For the last almost seven years... pretty much since high school, I have jumped from relationship to relationship, without even noticing it. --I guess part of me was trying to make up for the lack of dating I did while IN high school.-- My point is... I need time to be single. From the months of February till May this year was the only time I was 100% single. I was working hard, going to the gym every day, eating well, pampering myself, and playing with my girlfriends. With the exception of the still fresh heart-ache, I was completely happy with myself. I was feeling sexy, independant, and well... awesome.

I've finally realized, everyone keeps telling me to not be like my mom, which means, "don't be too picky about the guys you date, you don't want to end up alone." and instead, it has made me do the exact opposite. Instead of being overly picky, (which I am in my head anyways) I accept things in guys that actually really drive me crazy. I find myself feeling bothered by something, but then say, "now I don't want to end up alone, so I'll just look past it."
This is NOT the right thing to do!!! There needs to be a middle ground. I have to find someone who I love no matter what their flaws are, someone I love unconditionally no matter what. Honestly, there's only been two times I thought I felt that... but when I look back... it just doesn't look the same. I'm realizing I'm not in my right state of mind when I start dating someone. Another thing that I need to work on.


When a person gets out of relationship, it is usually hard to adjust to being alone again. When in a relationship you become a 'we' instead of an 'I'. However, I feel I have too long allowed myself to be a "we"... and I need to take this opportunity to be ME. Have you ever seen "Runaway Bride"? Well there's a part in it where Julia Roberts' character realizes that she has no idea who she is.. that she just conforms to the guys that she dates, which is continuous. There's a crucial scene where she realizes she has no idea how she likes her eggs prepared, because she would just eat them however her boyfriend would. Well I feel like that. Not to that extreme, but pretty close. It just seems so odd that I went from dating a hiking/biking/vegetarian to a gun- shooting/truck driving/carnivore. Clearly, I don't know what I want. (which is obviously the running theme here.)

It is time for me to be me. Time for me to find MY voice again. Have MY OWN opinions. Be MYSELF, by MYSELF. AND most importantly of all, rekindle my relationship with my girlfriends. I love you guys... er I mean, GIRLS.


Sincerely,
Figuring it out


P.S. This blog was not meant to offend anyone...(more specifically, ex-boyfriends) If it has, I am truly sorry. As all my blogs, this is just a collection of thoughts I have been having lately. Every single person I have dated, I loved at the time and still love do have love for them. I learned much from each one of you and I am truly happy that I had the priviledge to date every one of you. You all will hold a very dear place in my heart, and I hope that you can see where I'm coming from, and not be offended in any way by my thoughts/decisions.

Trying...

Wow, so driving 800 miles with an unsedated cat is MISERABLE!!! The sounds that came out of her mouth were seriously frightening.. came right from the gut and were as irritating as the sound of a babies crying hysterically. But I have to say, Bjork is probably the BEST cat EVER!! I mean, she loves me!! Truly truly loves me. She would NOT get off my lap (except to do the occasional pacing around)...and whenever I got out of the car she would paw at the window with this, "don't leave me" look. AND when we would stop at gas stations, a couple times she jumped out of the car...but would just pace around by me and wherever I was! Once or twice she wondered off, but as soon as I realized and called her back, she would prance right back into my arms. How many cats do you know of that would do that?!? I also noticed at the hotel last night that when she looks at me, it's like she has googley baby eyes. She truly loves me, and I her... oh what a wonderful relationship.
Speaking of relationships.... let's not speak of relationships. :(

So I'm back at my Mom's house. I've been here for about an hour now and I've already heard two unexplainable noises. Guess the ghosts know I'm back. Yay. I can't wait to sleep in the basement by myself. ahhhh!!! Speaking of ghosts, did anyone go see the movie 'Paranormal Activity'??? We went and saw it on Sunday. That movie F*CKED ME UP!!! I seriously haven't slept well ever since!!! (well i haven't slept well in months, but now it's out of fear!) Such a horrifying movie!

On another topic, I went to a little German town called Leavenworth in Washington this weekend for a little thing called Oktoberfest. It was AWESOME!!! We met up with some other people we met up in Montana (the BEST people up there).. and well, the whole weekend was a blurry blast of debauchery and drunken-ness madness. Oh, and the chicken dance. That DAMN SONG!!! It is STILL stuck in my head. That song is ONLY fun the first time you hear it. Not when you hear it in one tent... then the second tent... then the third tent. I bet the bands were ordered to play that song a couple times every hour. DA NA NA NA NA NA, DA NANANANAN NA NA NA NA NA CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP.... AAAAHAHHHHHH!!!! But the beer was delicious and plentiful, and the company was wonderful! Plus we rented a really awesome house up there, and it had A HOT TUB!!! Needless to say, lots of nudity persued. :) Love you guys!

So anyways, here I am trying to distract myself from things... trying to figure out what to do with my life... trying to figure out what to be for halloween (I think I've decided, but I'm not telling)... trying to find a job... trying not to be scared of the basement... trying to relax and unwind... and well... I'm trying.

(I added this picture because the 'double fingers'

totally explain my life right now;

Some things are 'thumbs up'...others are 'middle finger'. )

"My brain is a burger and my heart is the charcoal"

New Jersey?

So I just took one of those quizzes on Facebook entitled, "What U.S. State do you belong in?" With the results 'New Jersey.' Now I don't necessarily agree with the choice of state --course I've never been to NJ so I couldn't say for sure-- But the little paragraph that came with it almost took my breathe away! It is SO relative to me, and where mind my set is in life these days that I almost can't believe it came in a stupid quiz. Therefore, I decided to share it:

"You have spunk, style, and charisma like no other! Cool drinks, good friends, and a warm summer breeze off the Atlantic are all you need to be completely content. You may not realize your full potential until you are a bit older, but you know for sure that if you put your mind to it, you can do absolutely anything. When obstacles stand in your way, you tactfully, creatively, and successfully overcome them. You are extremely adventurous and daring, but grounded all the same. Your family means the world to you, and when you are done exploring all the opportunities the world has to offer, you know that home is where the heart is. Love comes easy to you, which is why you'll find the love of your life in high school, college, or shortly thereafter."

Woah.

STAY ALIVE!!

So I found another great horror movie to add to your list this month. I don't know how I had never heard of it, but thank goodness Brad had!
It's got such a fun unique story line. It is again, about a 'B' rated movie, but it has enough creepies in it to give you the heebie jeebies!! (fun sentence!)

It's about a super scary video game, and when you die in the game, you die in real life. Watch out if you love scary video games, like me. So check it!

Boo!....ish

So since the job search has been completely and utterly unsuccessful, (I didn't realize that Oregon has the highest unemployment rate in the country right now) I will be heading back to Utah at the beginning of next week. I know I can get a job out there, so for me to sit around here waiting and waiting and getting further in debt is just silly.
Also, Brad has a job waiting for him in Ireland, (lucky bastard) therefore as he usually does every winter, he will be heading back to Ireland to work on a ranch out there, breaking and training horses. Hopefully I can save up enough money to get a passport and plane ticket to go visit him... I have ALWAYS wanted to go to Ireland.
I'm bummed, because I was extremely excited to live in Portland, and to have a snow-less winter. And because I'm going back to OO-tah. :P

However, I am EXTREMELY excited to see my Mom!!! It has been too long (it's always too long if I go over a month). And of course to see all my wonderful friends. And what better way to spend Halloween then in a haunted house?! haha....ha, eek!
[no really, I'm actually scared to sleep in the basement by myself, and I'm like what, 24 now?!]

I only plan to be there until January, and then hopefully I can stay true to my course of moving to Portland after I've saved up some money, or at least gotten myself out of debt. But only time can tell what the future holds for us...So I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

So anyways, watch out Utah... here I come!
(back...again...)
*sigh*

Kitties on a treadmill

This is hilarious!!! See me and my kitty BOTH need a treadmill!!!

Cats on a Treadmill - watch more funny videos

HORROR!!

So it's the wonderful month of October. My favorite month of the year! Not only is it fall-time, but this is the month that holds my favorite holiday, Halloween. I still have no clue what I am going to be this year, and that is driving me mad. But as always, I'm sure last second I'll pull something awesome together. The one thing I have always wanted to be for Halloween, is half man half woman. I have the costume visualized so perfectly in my head, that until I take the time to buy the clothes and actually sew them together, I refuse to do the costume half-assed.
One side would be a suit and the other side would be a red cocktail dress, sewn up the middle. On the female side I would keep my hair down and curly, wearing make-up, etc. And on the male side I would pull my hair back in a bun and draw on a little mustache. It would be awesome! And since I have yet to do it, I find myself haunted by the lack of planning every year.

Here's a photo of one of my favorite costumes I did, it was the year I went as Jessica Rabbit...

Course most people couldn't tell what I was because I didn't stuff my bra enough. Let's see, that had to have been in 2006, cause I was living w/ charlotte still...

Anyways, the reason I wrote this blog was because I have found myself talking about horror movies lately. I realize that since I am a movie buff, and a horror freak, I tend to know more horror movies then most people. I debated making a list of all of my favorites, the ones that really scared me sleep-less, starting with "Pet Cemetery" all the way up to "The Ring." But I have yet to compile that list, as I know it will take a pretty minute. So instead I have decided to tell you about a few horror movies that you have probably never heard of, but totally need to see. All are what you would call 'B' movies with 'B' actors, meaning you've probably never heard of them and they never went to theaters, but none-the-less, they are good. Great even. The story lines both are totally unique even though at first glance you wouldn't think so. And both of them are a very clever kind of scary.

Without further ado,
here are the three movies that you MUST rent and watch,
in this wonderful month of horror!!


THE ABANDONED

AND

MADHOUSE


And then one of my all time favorite horror flicks, that still to this day gives me the chills whenever I watch it:


THE CHANGELING

(not to be confused with the new movie that just came out w/ Angelina Jolie)

Great movies that deserve more recognition. I will still probably make a list of my favorites -maybe just the top ten- for those of you looking for a good scare this month. Till then,

HAPPY HAUNTINGS!!!