R.I.P. Dorothy Zbornak

I just learned that Bea Arthur passed away on Saturday. :(

I would just like to pay my respects to one of my favorite members of my all time favorite show, The Golden Girls.

I love you Dorothy!!!

WE WILL MISS YOU!!!

Blanche: "Well Dorothy, since when do you care what you look like?"

Dorothy: "Ever since I came down from the belltower and had my hump fixed."

It's official!!!

Yup. Got my contract, so now it's official! I will be leaving Utah in only FOUR WEEKS!!! AAAAHHHH!!! I am freaking out. Partly I'm freaking out because I'm excited, and partly I'm freaking out because I don't have much time to get everything done!!! Really I could ramble on and on about how amazing my summer is going to be but I won't rub it in too much. ;)

Being away from my cat is going to be the weirdest bit. Well her and my mom.
Hmm... should I really be putting those two in a comparitive thought? My cat is like my baby. My seven year old baby. It is going to be very hard to be away from her for so many months. Especially since she is the one who has been spooning with me everynight. That's right, I spoon with my cat. She puts her little head on my chin and I put my arm up through her legs and cup her face in my palm. Really, it's effing adorable. I would say that she keeps me warm at night, but since I'm basically a human heating pad, I think it's the other way around. I hope she doesn't forget me. Better yet, I hope she doesn't run away, or do something stupid like getting herself killed.

It all felt very surreal yesterday when I put the final stamp on it by putting in my four weeks. (yes I'm a kind soul who always give double what is expected) I will miss the people I work with. I will miss my friends. But I also know that I will probably be having too much fun to really miss them all that bad. ;P

Everyone is invited to come visit me up there. In fact, I encourage it. Some of you I have made promise that you will come. I will be holding you to that. (yes you! cause you're probably the only one reading this! hehe)

Well anyways, just wanted to finish off my last blog by actually coming out and telling you it's official. Look out wilderness... here I come!

It's officially unofficial!!!

Well kiddies......It's happened!

I just got the unofficial, "you've got the job,"
from Glacier National Park.
[It will be official 0nce they send me the contract and I sign it, and all that jazz.]

I couldn't be more excited!!! I am ECSTATIC!!!

Of course I am also suddenly feeling extremely over-whelmed as I only have five'ish weeks to get out of my apartment and get everything taken care of. But it will be oh-so worth it!!!

Here's some pictures of what my summer backyard will look like:
(Eat your heart out!!!)
GLORIOUS!!!!

So, if you wanna see me one last time before I take off,

then get to it!!!

*LOVES*

Food Blogs. Boooorrrriiiinnnnngggg....

What is with all these food blogs I keep seeing?!? Does anyone really care what other people eat? I mean, "look here's a picture of the salad I had for lunch today! " ? why? I know what a salad looks like. (and if I don't know what a salad looks like I should be doing better things than sitting here looking at blogs) Even worse are the pictures of empty plates. "here's the crumbs that's left over from my lunch today, and the plate I ate it on!!" YAY. not.
Isn't there some type of culinary blog for things like that? I thought blogs were supposed to focus on writing? Oh well. Just wanted to rant for a minute.

P.S. I totally had a delicious salad for lunch today! OH and soy yogurt for breakfast! go me! :P

If You Seek Amy

Really Britney Spears?!?! Really?!?!? WTF is this song?!? When I first heard the title I thought, hmmm... that's pretty retarded, but maybe she will construct the lyrics in such a way that it will be fitting and subtly seductive. (why did I give her so much credit?!?)
But really this is the most disgustingly ridiculous song I have EVER heard!!! --which is really REALLY bad coming from someone like me, who admittedly likes cheesy teeny bopper pop songs.--
If you haven't heard it, (you blessed soul) it goes a little something like this:

"Love me, Hate me,

say what you want about me,

but all of the girls and all of the boys

are willing to If You Seek Amy"

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

This does not make an OUNCE of sense!!!! I am severely disappointed. I mean, if you're going to be that blatantly obvious about what you're trying to say, then why the hell even cover it up with a stupid acronym!!!?? (is that even what you would call it?)

You should just come right out and call your song, "F.U.C.K. ME."

It's too bad because even though it is absurdly repetitive I do enjoy your song "Womanizer," (as I already stated, I like crappy music) but this song should have NEVER ever been allowed on your cd. What was your manager thinking?! He should be fired.

I think it is high time you retire. You had a nice run, you became a house-hold name, you got your stardom. You are done. Go away. or better yet, "if you see kay off."

READ THIS! BE WARNED!

This article is perfect. I sure wish someone would have shown this too me about a year ago. I really could have use it. Don't let the same thing happen to you!!!! Read it!!!!:

http://www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing11.html

Ah....Weekends

I have so so SOOOO much that I need to write about. This weekend was so full of "blog worthy" activities! However, since I am at work I will need to rush through this a little bit.

Friday was nice... didn't even plan on doing much, but then I ended up going to X-Wife's place with some friends I hadn't seen in a while (probably due to the fact that I've been ditching people left and right to read. ha.) X-Wife's place is the coolest dive bar in Salt Lake if you ask me.

Adam wore this shirt that says,

Kiss Me

(I'm desperate)

Because he is awesome like that! It made me chuckle lots and lots. The night went as it usually did, the only difference being that instead of sharing in on the pitcher's with everyone else, I stuck to my water/vodka drink...and due to the fact that I haven't been drinking at all, the drinks caught up with me quicker than I had anticipated. Plus the bartendar thought I was a doll and was free-pouring my drinks.

Thank you Christina!

An old friend who I haven't seen in months and months, came and met me and the bar... we had a great time drinking, chatting, giggling, and catching up. After a couple hours he declared he needed to leave to pick up his brother. Unexpectedly this news made me sad. I was done with the bar, and since he was getting all of my attention anyways, I asked for a ride home. On the way home his brother called saying he no longer needed a ride. (how convenient) So I ended up inviting him to my place. The night took another unexpected, and may I say, passionate, turn. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but it was just what I needed.

On Saturday I had one of those mornings where you wake up, not really sure how you made it to bed, but totally grateful that you did. I woke up ever so slowly, blinking furiously to get my eyes to focus on the clock which read 12:08 PM. I was sprawled diagonally across the bed, covers draped all around the room, only my leg was being touched by my sheets. The canopy that surrounds my bed was pulled down on one entire side. I was naked. My hair a ruffled mess. My left collar bone was sufficiently bruised....for this I have no explanation. Putting all of the evidence together, I knew I must have had a great night, though my memory failed to provide any exciting details.

I pulled myself together and went down to my hair appointment with Derek. Reguardless of my puffy-sleepy eyes, and the fact that I took close to no time getting ready, Derek still greeted me saying that I "looked great." He's either a very kind soul or a great liar. For the first time ever he decided to wash my hair before the cut. (probably cause this was the first time I went into the shop, and didn't make him cut my hair at his house.) After the shampooing process he did something he's never done before... he gave me a HEAD MASSAGE!!! It felt like it lasted longer than a simple head massage should last, but who would complain about that!?

His fingers carressed my scalp, not missing a single inch, pulling on my hair, titilating every nerve ending on my head. Chills ran down my skull into my fingertips and toes, vibrating every nerve on the way down. His fingers reached further down to include my neck in the rubbing process. I relaxed fully giving in to the immaculate pleasure I was experiencing and let my body melt into the seat. At one point my mouth fell open, and without my permission my lips softly cooed, "woooow." He shooshed me and told me we weren't done. I was practically dizzy when he turned the water back on and began rinsing out the conditioner. It took all the power I could grasp to pull myself out of the chair after that. I still don't know how long it lasted but it must have been close to ten minutes.

It was by far the BEST head massage I have EVER HAD!!! Thank you Derek. I meant it when I said you can do that for me every day for the rest of my life. :) And all that talk about getting breakfast in bed...well that is still something I would also love to apply.

It goes without saying that my hair looked and smelled awesome. (The guy is a genius with hair)

With my newly found confidence in my spunky cut, I decided to walk around and enjoy the nice day before going home to start on chores. Turns out it was "record day" so there were a bunch of other people walking around as well. There was a whole band set-up behind one of the record stores downtown, so I mingled down there for a bit, and called Ariele and told her to come join me. While waiting for her I decided to wander into an anitque store that I have always been curious about. While in there, this guy in a red shirt started creepily following me around. When I finally broke down, and decided to make eye contact with him, he was practically right behind me. He had a big googley grin stretching across this face and he was pointing at his ear. International sign language for, "I'm deaf." He pulled out a pad and pen and wrote, "hi. how are you?" This was something I fully was not in the mood to participate in.

Now if you know me, you know I have a very VERY tender place in my heart for anyone with any type of disability. So there was the part of me that said I should be nice and converse with him for a bit. However, there was the stronger part of me that just didn't want to waste time writing back and forth to this guy when the outcome would inevitably be the same. He was not very attractive, and besides that fact, I am just not looking for anyone right now. So as cruel as it made me feel, I mouthed that I was fine, but I was just browsing while waiting for my girlfriend and I had to run. He smiled and before he had time to write anything else I was already scurrying out of there. I really didn't want to seem cruel, but I also didn't want to treat him differently due to his disability. If he coud speak I would have run out of there quicker, due to the creepiness of him stalking around behind me.

After Ariele had arrived, we were still zig zagging in and out of the adorable little shops that line 300 south. We entered a cute little shop that was packed with old fashioned trinkets from the past... things that were probably dug out of the garbage and now carried a price tag making them "valuable." While in there I turned a corner and there was the deaf guy again!!! A sudden spark of panic rushed through me and before I could think of anything better to do, I grabbed Ariele's hand and whispered that I would explain later. (he's deaf, so there was really no reason to whisper, but it just seemed natural.) When I accidentally made eye contact with him he was of course staring at me like a statue so I waved and held up my hand that was interlocked with Ariele's to show him I had found her. So at least it didn't look like I was lying about waiting for my girlfriend.

Ariele and I spent the rest of the day doing everything but the chores I was supposed to do. (my laundry pile is turning into a national crisis) We took a beautiful drive up the canyon and re-read the story of my 21st birthday trip that the two of us took back in 2006. We probably laughed off a good five pounds reliving the experience. That trip was epic.

After that we went and ate at the Sun and Moon cafe'. And oh my goodness.. what happened to that place?!?! It used to be an adorable little hippy joint with colorful walls and decor of suns and moons everywhere. Now the walls are white and bare, and they even have table cloths on the tables!! The prices were significantly higher and the new food selection left an impression that they were now trying to be "classy." The food was only sub-par and the atmosphere was stuffy and uncomfortable. Too bad. I used to think that place was so quaint.

On Sunday, Ariele's adorable friend from work was having a bbq at Liberty Park, --much like the rest of the city-- so we decided to join in on the fun. It was such a cliche' experience, but still totally enjoyable! There were people playing frisbee, throwing balls for dogs, laying out, hula-hooping, etc. (I need to purchase one of those, cause for the life of me I couldn't get anyone to take a break and let me hula too).
The shishkabobs (how the hell is that spelled?) they made were delicious! The day was breath-takingly beautiful. The perfect temperature. Perfect day out.

Now to get to the SUPER exciting news!!!! A few months ago I applied to work up at Glacier National Park in Montana. (well really its on an Indian reservation in Montana, so it's got it's own set of rules apart from the state, and it's only a short drive from Canada, so that in itself is a huge bonus) The place is out of this world gorgeous!!! They e-mailed me back about a month ago saying due to the economy, etc, etc, they couldn't hire on anymore new employees. I responded by asking if they would hold my application and consider hiring me on for the season next year. THEN, a couple days ago, they wrote back saying a position has become available and asked if I was still interested in the job!!! Of course I said yes!!! (California/Oregon can wait)

So I'm currently in the process of getting all those details worked out. The biggest bummer of it all is that I would have to leave my cat behind. Of course my mom will take her and she will be ever so happy to have the huge backyard to play in, but ,*sigh* I will miss her ever so dearly!!! But it's only for 4 months, so I think we can both deal. Besides, she'll have my mom.

As to not make this too god-awful long I will end it here. Once again, my life just keeps getting pushed further and further into a positive direction!!! I'm so happy I could dance!!

"My future's so bright..... I gotta wear shades."

Eclipse!!! Holy Crow!!

--Yes, brace yourself, this is going to be another Twilight blog... I can't help it!!---

Dear Stephanie Meyer,

You might as well be a drug dealer. I'm serious. You are good. Too good! The way you end your chapters is one thing.. keeping us on the edge of our seat, only hinting towards what is to come, always pleading for us to keep going. But the fact that you end your books like that too!?!?! It's almost mental torture for those of us who can NOT shake the story out of our head! I am almost constantly daydreaming about the events in Forks, finding it difficult to pull myself back into the boring reality I live in. I just have to say that I am so, so, SOOOO HAPPY that I am late in the process of getting addicted. If I actually had to wait however long for the next book to come out I think it would drive me into insanity!! I'm so glad that I waited (not intentionally) until was able to buy the box set, complete with all four books, so I can start onto the next one as soon as I want.
I have to say that at this point 'Eclipse' (book #3) is so far my favorite. There is so much character development, and so much collaboration, or, bringing together of the main characters. And the way you ended it!!! Oh my goodness! How dare you! --I can't even believe that I'm about to say this-- but it makes me want to tell everyone that I'm too busy to hang out this weekend and spend the whole 2 1/2 days off work reading the last book!! (if only I really had the free time to do that) All I have to say is that the final book had BETTER have a very solid ending. If you leave me wanting more after that you will get a very bitter and angry letter!!
(and I might actually send that one to you!)

However, I would also like to congratulate you again for writing such an amazingly intriguing series. It has been the perfect distraction for me! Just when I needed it the most. What a nice break from reality. I bet if you really felt like it, you could put out one of these books each year and us fans would just eat them up year after year! You inspire me. I hope someday I can write a book so engrossing and enjoyable to read.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
An Avidly Addicted Fan



P.S. 'I included "holy crow" in my title because you use that in the book a few times, and it totally sounds like such a Utahn term, it makes me giggle.

Paradox of our Time

So here's something that I always thought was quoted from George Carlin. I just found out it's not, so I don't know who said this, so I can't give them credit... But I like it:

"The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

'Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.' "

Running mind.

This blog is going to be dangerous for me. The flood gate is wide open. My mind has been running a mile a minute since I started writing on here. In fact, almost all I've been doing anymore is reading, writing, and going to the gym. -What healthy addictions for me to take up- :)
After work today I went to my cleaning "job." I put job in quotations because it doesn't (it says doesn't is spelled wrong? Is that not a word anymore?) really feel like a job, I love doing it. It's always fun to clean. It's such a rewarding chore, when you can actually see the progress you've made. Plus I love who I clean for. She's so much fun! But I digress... usually after I clean for a few hours we sit down and watch some episodes of "Weeds," which is a great show that she is helping me get caught up on. (I'm four seasons behind -- well close to only three). But she was too tired to watch that tonight, which was fine with me cause now I had that extra hour to spend at the gym. I went to the gym out on Van Winkle this time, they have a cardio cinema there. They were playing "Superstar." (score!) I was the ONLY one in the room who was laughing!! I couldn't believe it! --well I also couldn't believe how many people were at the gym at 10:00 at night!--
Molly Shannon is hilarious! and Will Ferrill! Don't get me started!
"you're parents named you after bottled water..... why don't you go drink a bottle of yourself!"
But guess what I did tonight?!?! I TACKLED MY FEAR OF THE TREADMILL!!! I always just use the eliptical machines because a looong time ago I decided that I hate to run. But I figured, hey, I used to hate mustard and now I like it, so maybe this has changed too. Guess what?! I was right! I ran for a whole hour!!! I was so proud of myself. Guess what else I did?!? I took off my shirt so I was just running in my sports bra!! (granted it was very dark in there... and also extremely hot!) If you know me, you know how self conscience I am of my mid-section. So that was one more feat tackled. Two points for team Crystal! Woo!

On my way home I was jamming out to some tunes, singing out loud, bobbing my head, hand motions...the whole nine yards; and while at a stop light I looked over and noticed the two people in the car next to me watching me and laughing. I just smiled, waved, and went on with my car dance. Things like that don't bother me. I just don't get embarrassed very easily. (I want to say I never get embarrassed, but I'm sure that's not true... I'll bet if I messed myself in public I would get VERY embarrassed!)

*Sigh* It's late, I supposed I should attempt to get some sleep. I need to stop going to the gym so late, it always makes me hyper. However, I refuse to not go at all. I WILL reach my goals!

On a final note I want to add that I've been dreaming of Luke Perry a lot. (and on a silly ironic note he was 'on' the Family Guy episode that was just on. ha) What do you think that's all about? He's a hottie. He always plays a Vampire in my dreams. Probably because he was in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" movie (I loved that movie as a child!) and of course because of my book. Speaking of which, man... Edward just keeps getting better! He continues to bring tears to my eyes with his precious precious words. What a sweet sweet sweet gentleman!!
(<< It's funny how many picture like this you can find. ha)

Men, this character has given you a LOT to live up to! Another suggestion to the men out there is to read the Twilight books even if you hate them (but I bet you won't) and study the things Edward says/does for/to Bella. If you apply that in your relationships, your woman will swoon like you've never seen before! :P

Well signing off now. Guess I'll read till the sleepy eyes take over.
Goodnight Never Never Land!

Me.

I was going through old writings and came across this thing I wrote describing myself. It's pretty cute and still rather accurate, so I thought I'd post it:

Beauty, laughter, life, music, and magic...that's what I'm all about. Life is a rollercoaster and you have to learn to accept that. Life is also a game and it's a good one. Or on a bad day it can be a real crap shoot. I'm a restless spirit who LOVES to travel, and quite a day dreamer. I have a strong passion for music and can't imagine life without it. There should always be music playing. I wish my life had an ongoing soundtrack.

Art makes the world go round. I don't feel like i'm very creative, but i like to try. I draw doodles, and paint nonsense, but more than anything I LOVE to write. I have two sides to everything. I'm a walking contradiction. I have many different opinions about every single subject you can think of. Thinking is a hobby of mine. Yoga and meditation are my most desired yet least practiced hobbies. I can either be a social butterfly or a loner with my head in the clouds - but rarely inbetween. I only wish i could refuse to accept responsibility, but it turns out you have to be responsible to live on your own, so i do it. I try to do the things i hate with a smile on my face, but there's always a quiet muttering of complaints under my breath.

I love to learn. About everything. I would love school if they just got rid of the homework. I love listening to what other people have to say, and to others views on all things. I try to be as open minded as i possibly can. I try to learn something from everyone i meet. I can talk your head off, but i'll try and make it interesting so you'll enjoy listening. I love when I feel a deep connection with another person, or even with nature, or animals. I prefer sunshine but absolutely love thunderstorms. The brightness and warmth of spring and the amazing colors and slight chill of autumn bring me happiness.

I tend to be extremely passionate, about all things, though I can be off-putting and 'cold' some days, most days I'm warm and endearing. Some might say i'm self-absorbed, because i know that i have to make myself happy before i can make anyone else happy. The people that i love, i love with all i have to give. And if you hurt them, i'll hurt you! then nurse them back together. I'm all about living in the moment. Spontanuity is key. Worrying about something you can't change is the biggest waste of time on this planet. There's no greater joy in this life, then to have days that are all yours, days where you can dedicate YOUR time to whatever YOU want to be doing. I HATE having to have a job.

I guess i'll grow up someday, but I'll always be a child at heart.

Steele Plates

"Every human being on the face of the earth has a steel plate in his head, but if you lie down now and then and get as still as you can, it will slide open like elevator doors, letting in all the secret thoughts that have been standing around so patiently, pushing the button for a ride to the top. The real troubles in life happen when those hidden doors stay closed for too long."

Fittier. Happier. More Productive.

I just need to boast.

Today I had my same old routine, I woke up, went back to sleep, woke up again, and sleepily scribbled down my morning journals. --which was fun today; trying to reenact my dream on paper. I had another dream about ghosts trying to get me. They never hurt me, they are just always reaching out for me, and always being very creepy about it, which always results in scaring me. Course I can never run from them, my legs are always heavy and limp as if I'm struggling to get through quicksand. There's always someone, usually a friend, urging me to keep going into the haunted place where the ghosts are. In my dream last night, as I was worthlessly trying to run from the haunted building, I fell. I looked next to me and my alarm was sitting there buzzing at me. I tried to grab for it to throw it at the ghost (even though we all know how ridiculous that is, since it would go right through him), but I just couldn't reach it. The buzzing got louder and louder and more obnoxious, until.............
I woke up. My alarm was of course, buzzing loudly beside me. I chuckled to myself. --

Then work went by swimmingly, they let me take a longer lunch to go grocery shopping for myself, to which I was extremely grateful. (If you know me well you know it is VERY hard for me to make it to the grocery store. -Those freaking florescent lights! And all those people! It drives me crazy!- Other than that, work was actually a lot of fun today. Everyone seemed to be in a chipper mood, which is always good. My manager has also read the Twilight series so we spent a nice chunk of time discussing how the book is SOOOO much better than the movie, and how the casting director and wardrobe people should be FIRED. I even had to run to the bank after hours, keeping me at work later than usual. But that was fine too. The bank teller flirted with me, which is always a nice confidence boost. Especially looking how I do when I got to work. Woof.

After work, I mentally argued myself out of ditching the gym. They say after 14 days of doing something it becomes a habit. Well that is b*llsh*t. Some days I'm excited to go... but most days it's a struggle to not succumb to the cozy fluff of my couch and the amazing mental ride of my book. However, I went. While there, I became so focused on repeating my weight lifting routine accurately, that I lost track of time and ended up staying for almost two hours. Oops. What a healthy mistake. ;) I was supposed to go to some free gymnastics thing at eight, but didn't leave the gym in time. Oh well, guess I'll just have to plan that for next week.

But now for the boasting! I've been thinking, (a wonderful past-time that is like second nature to breathing for me) I think a LOT at the gym... and you know what I've realized?! I feel lighter. (mentally) I didn't realize how heavy this "negativity cloud" was. The one I didn't even really notice that has been surrounding me for the past, oh, year or so. I knew that I was in a constant battle of whether or not I was doing the right things, (with the right person), heading in the right direction, etc. I had SO MUCH negativity pushing itself upon me, getting heavier and heavier every day. Strangling me until the air became thick and dense and hard to breathe. (this is all metaphorical, of course)

Well as I said I've been feeling lighter. I realize every day I get happier, more positive, and more excited for the future. All the plans are in the works, which may or may not be funner than the idea of not having the plans and not knowing what's going to happen. All I know is that in just a couple months, I will out of this memory tainted apartment, and soon enough, out of this memory tainted city. Not that I don't love this city. I do. I'm just over it. It was a part of my life that I just don't feel connected to anymore. It's time for something new. Something fresh. And that is exactly what I will be giving myself.
I also couldn't be happier that my Mom is getting involved. What with everything she's had to go through in the last year, she has also taken a negative turn from her otherwise usual sunny disposition. I also didn't realize how much weight I was adding to her already growing problems. I always tried to put on a front for her, but she could always detect the sadness behind my lies. The worst was when she would call me and I couldn't hold back the tears. Ugh.

Well I don't cry anymore. I have nothing to cry about. However, I am saddened by how many many countless tears I wasted on that one person. That one person who is SOOO not even worth more than one crying fit. It makes me smile to realize that that part of my life is over. I'm stronger. --mentally and physically-- I will never let myself get caught up in such a painful and exhausting situation. My heart shrunk with pain... and now it's grown two sizes larger. Just like the Grinch. :)

I've also stopped clinging to people as much. I know I will always stay in touch with my closest friends, and if I can help it we will still get together every now and then. But there is no reason to attach yourself so fully to another human being. I mean it's true that:

"We face all of life's toughest decisions by ourselves."

I realize now that people come and go out of your life. As my dear friend Leslie once put it:

"There are people you meet for a reason,
people you meet for a season,
and people you meet for life."

I know there will be people I will stay in contact with for a long time. There are also people I'm very glad I have pushed out of my life. It's always been really hard for me to let go of people. Hell, I'm still friends with all of my ex boyfriends. (Well all except one.)

But anyways, as I said, I feel lighter. It actually feels like I'm floating. I love it. It's like I'm walking on clouds. An extra dance in my step.
"I wake up every morning, with a big smile on my face, and it never feels out of place."

The future is open to possibilities. It's bright. It's sunny. And I can not wait for the adventure that lies ahead. :D

"We'll all float on,
Alright, already we'll all float on,
Okay don't worry, we'll all float on alright,
already we'll all float on, alright,
dont' worry even if things end up a bit too heavy,
we'll all float on, alright,
we'll all float on."

Now THIS is love!!

Warning: This video made me BALL MY EYES OUT!!! It's SOOO beautiful!!! These two really are completely in love! The part that really got me is at the beginning when they first see each other, and their adorable little choked up voices!! Aw, amore.

Drip Drip Drip...

How about this rain huh?!? I get out of the gym and half of downtown had no power! It was crazy! Power outages are always partially scary, and partially exciting!
I LOVE rain. I really do. Everyone tells me if I were around it more I wouldn't like it as much. Well I don't think so. I would like to prove them wrong. Or right...either way, I know I love it.
I am very excited to live in Oregon for a while, even with all the rain. OR ESPECIALLY with all the rain. I think Oregon is just my cup of tea. mmm tea...

Water is my favorite element. Nothing can survive without water. Nothing. That kind of power fascinates me. Plus it's so hypnotic. Everything about it, the way it moves, the way it sounds. And of course you can't beat a good thunder storm! We just don't have enough of those here in Utah. [Yet another thing to add to the list of "reasons I've moving out of Utah."]
Rain is also very sensual. Thunderstorms even more so. It's hard to beat a good cuddle session during a rainstorm. mmmmm....

Where is my boyfriend when I need him?!?
Come to me baby, I'm waiting.

(It won't be long)

Dear Six Pack...

I am patiently waiting for you....
I've been going to the gym everyday.
I've been crunch, crunch, crunching you.
I've been counting my calories.
I've even quit drinking on weekdays.

I see you developing back there...
just trying to push through that last layer of fluff.

I will not give up on you.

All I want for my birthday....
(which is in June)
is you.

Please come to me.

My Own Personal Easter

I let you sleep in this morning while I went to work.
When I came home, there were a bunch of chocolate eggs waiting for me.
It was my own personal Easter.
(And I'm not afraid of this Easter Bunny.)

It made me smile.

Thank you. :)
XOXO

*Story of a healing heart*

(this is an excerpt from my journal, I felt like I should share it on here too)

It's true what they say, about time healing all wounds...
I've always known it. But I also know how difficult it can be to believe that concept when you are caught up in the moment of pain or sadness. I assure you though, enough time will heal anything. [Even if you were to carry a grudge to the grave with you,
it is only because this human life did not give you enough allotted time to fully heal.]

I promise, If you were to live for hundreds and hundreds of years, without question, you would inevitably reach that point in time where this grudge (or whatever it may be) would be nothing but a distant memory to you. I've been re-learning how true that statement is. Inching closer and closer to being healed everyday. Everyday my heartbreak was/is something further in the past, less tangible, and way less painful. In fact, I'm pretty much over it these days. That doesn't mean that the pain didn't leave a permanent scar on my heart, but simply that my heart is now fully ready to move on. [I refused to get into any type of relationship with anyone until I was a fully healed, completely happy person.] I believe I will always carry a scar from this pain, and quite frankly, I KNOW I will always remember this person as the person who completely shattered my heart for the very first time. (I would never be conceded enough to say that it is the last time.) I am, however, very glad that I went through this. Yes, though it was miserable and treachorous, there are always lessons to be learned through pain.
I have learned so much.

It gave me such a better perspective of who I am, how other people can be, and how I need to alter myself to so that this doesn't happen to me again. At least not in the same fashion.

Growing up, I never imagined that I would be that girl. I've always been aware of the fact that I have an extra sensitive heart, and I know that I can be downright naive sometimes, but I never thought I could allow myself to go through so much mental abuse.

I never, EVER thought I'd be the girl that allowed myself to be

lied to, cheated on, and downright used.

That is what has broken my heart the most. That I would allow myself to go through all of that, even though I know I deserve much better. My friends all tried to help me, but I realize now, just as they realized then, that there is a point that you have to reach for yourself, before you can actually see what is happening to you. We all get so caught up in our own lives, so caught up in the moment, that it can be difficult to always see the bigger picture. (or even the REAL picture)

If I were in my friends shoes, I would have stopped hanging out with me too. Who wants to watch their good friend constantly going through torture that they are --pretty much-- putting themselves through?
(ALWAYS listen to your friends opinions, even if they don't seem right, at least hear them out and consider the possibilities that they could be right, and you could be wrong.)

It's so hard to swallow the knowledge that you have just let yourself believe all of these words.... these words that touched your heart... words that touched your soul... words that made your heart smile.... all these WORDS... that only meant something to you. While the person saying them didn't give it a second thought. Hell, probably didn't even remember what they had said two minutes after saying it, while you're still floating on cloud 9 thinking how lucky you are to have someone say that to you.

"I didn't know that the words you said to me,

meant more to me then they ever could you."

~Modest Mouse~

Manipulation.

It's such a sickening thing. I will never understand how some people can just simply and honestly NOT CARE how they affect others. People who almost literally have no heart.

I wanted to believe this person had a heart. I wanted to believe that certain things he told me were the truth, not just another fabrication; another part of his diabolical manipulation plan. He knew all the right things to keep me hooked, like a drug dealer that takes the good stuff and cuts it with crap, then slowly stops cutting it until you get to the actual good stuff, and at that point, your hooked. There's no turning back.

He knew just how to take the truth and twist it around to the point where I would feel like the fool for questioning his motives. Well it was all one big fat lie after another. He had just the perfect way of pulling me closer and closer, and just when I got close enough,

he would slap me away. (metephorically, of course)

What hurts the worst, is that all I had for this person was love.

All I wanted to do was love him with everything I had to give, and get the same back in return. Always too much love to give, and not enough deserving places to put it.

When it comes down to it, it's all about trusting yourself. Don't let yourself get so caught up in the moment, or the initial emotions that you might have towards a person. Stay true to yourself and don't let anyone else change anything about you. If you're gut tells you something isn't right, then it probably isn't. If you have to question someone's motives, even for a second,

stop yourself and think about why you are even having to question them in the first place.

**Pause for a ranting moment**
Is it REALLY that hard to honest these days?!?! Really?!?!?

Must people always have their cake and eat it too?!?

(I've never understood that phrase...why would you want cake if you can't eat it?!?)

I would rather him have just said, "yes I like you, but I don't love you, and in the duration of our relationship, I will also be sleeping with her (and maybe her, and her), I will rarely tell you the truth about where I am, what I am doing, and who I am with, okay? So just deal with it."

Which of course I wouldn't have put up with, but it would be nice to have the option to base my feelings on some truth.

For the longest time I held on to the idea that I deserved an apology.

[And not even an apology for him coming into my apartment while I wasn't home and going through my computer, facebook, myspace, etc.

EVEN though, that is 100% fully deserving of an apology.]

No, I just wanted him to say he was sorry for how much he hurt me.

More or less, for him to even acknowledge it.

BUUUUT after all this time I've realized an apology won't change anything. It won't make anything better. And you know what, I wouldn't even believe that it was true or sincere anyways.

But I digress.... I wasn't going to make this blog public, but I decided in the end to do so, because if even one person reads this blog and gets out of their shitty situation (or "relationshit" as I like to call it now) then that makes all my pain worth it. If my story can help just one other person. (two or three would of course be better :P )

On that note, if anyone is reading this (anyone at all?) and has any questions about the situation I went through, or is seeking advice (not that I'm a professional by any means),

it would bring me much joy to try and help you out.

I will end with a favorite cheers of mine, perfect to recite with your girlfriends:

"Here's to the men that we love,

and here's to the men that love us.

But the men that we love,

will never love us,

so F**K all the men,

and here's to US!!!"

Cheers!

~To being over it~

George Carlin, I love you.

-George Carlin -

"DESIDERATA"

DESIDERATA

-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

DEAR TWITTER....

Dear Twitter,

NO!!!

I will not join your stupid cult!!! I have absolutely no interest in constantly reading updates from people around the globe. I do not care what people are doing every second of every day!!! I actually try to have a life outside of technology, okay, thanks.

So quit asking me if I twitter!!! I do not, and I will not. Thanks.

Sincerely,

Sick of getting asked:

"Do you twitter?"

Check out this guy...

I hope someday my blog will be more similar to this guys':

www.dustydavis.com

Easter. Ha.

I would just like to quickly take this oportunity to express my opinions on this pointless holiday.[I won't even get into Jesus] A giant bunny rabbit, ....yeah, a bunny rabbit.... Has just come into your house and shit chocolate all over the place, for you to go and find, and eat.

Yay. Now let's all stuff ousrselves with some ham.

(thats what you're supposed to have on easter, right?)

I would also like to add that as a child, I was afraid of the Easter Bunny. Yes, afraid. This whole concept of a giant rabbit sneaking into your house at night to give you presents and loads of sugar filled candy, for no real reason, just didn't settle well with me. Even as a child I could see that the concept was not only scary, but quite ridiculous.

But all negativities aside; Happy Easter everyone!!

(My Easter Lunch.)

Ode to Edward

I know I don't need to even write this blog. I know that is has already been written by many many other females out there. But none-the-less, I just want to put my two-cents in as well.

I am going to construct my thoughts in a letter.

Dear Stephanie Meyer;

May I start by saying that your Twilight Saga series are phenominally exciting to read. I appreciate that you made the books an easy read, as it makes it easier for people like me who tend to have a hard time staying focused when reading. I find myself unable to get the story out of my head. I am generally in a constant state of my own daydreams, but now-a-days my thoughts are consistently finding there way back to your books. More specifically, Edward.

I am thoroughly impressed on how beautifully you have constructed this character. Naturally, part of me is a little angry that you would make up such a PERFECT man and then dedicate four books to detail just how PERFECT he is. Everything he says is PERFECT. The times when he says these things, also PERFECT. Even when he's angry, I totally agree with the fact that he is angry, and I love how 'he' expresses his anger so calmly and so sensitively. I bet the hardest part for you was to construct a character who would actually be able to have a dispute with this perfect man. (cause Lord knows I would be constant putty in his hands.)

My complaint (just the same as every other females'), is that now I will be comparing every man I date to Edward. Where on Earth am I going to find a man that will love me so deeply and so purely, and who says all the right things at all the right times, and can take my mood --whatever it may be-- and make me feel better than I ever have EVER?!?! Where will I find a man who leaves notes on my pillow before he goes away that say:

"I'll be back so soon you won't have time to miss me.

Look after my heart -- I've left it with you."

Where I ask? you!?!

WHERE!?!?!?

[--Whew-- Sorry about that, calm down Crystal....]

Perfect is the only word I can find to describe him. Everything about him is just perfect; and I'm not even talking about the totally awesome extra features that he possesses, what with being a Vampire and all. (how convenient to have a boyfriend who can appear and disappear whenever he feels like it. AND who can protect you from anything. AND who can run at the speed of light, AND who speed up the pace of your heart just by touching you. AND>...........................)

Basically my point is that you have now ruined me from ever dating a "normal" guy again.

No one will compare.

(OORRR I'll get REALLY REALLY lucky and find someone exactly like him!!!

Of course that's what I'm really wishing for.)

To close, I just want to thank you for writing such fun books, and for allowing me, and every other girl out there, to pretend they are Bella and they are dating the most wonderful guy on the entire planet.

Sincerely,

In Love with Edward

"There's a Never Land waiting for you,

Where all your happy dreams come true.

Yes, every dream that you dream will come true."

Someday, my prince will come...

Wow, guess what we've done here folks?!? That's right, we've opened a flood gate... watch out, because I can feel that I will be coming here to write quite often from now on. Which is good for me, and I guess bad for you. (Well really it's your own fault for coming here.)

So I was at the gym tonight, thinking once again about love. --See I've been on a huge love kick this year. Ever since getting my heart trampled on, slowly and painfully healing, and then stumbling into the Twilight series, it has become a very consistent topic of thought for my brain. I hate to sound all cliche' about it... but the conclusion I've come to, and when you truly think about it, love is what the world is lacking. Some people get it: "What the world needs now, is love, sweet love, it's the only thing, that there's just, too little of." and "All you need is Love," etc, etc. I recently had a friend tell me she had a "hate for love," to which I responded, "You cannot have a hate for love... but merely a hate for the LACK of love."

Back to the gym: So my newest trainer, to be quite blunt, is a super hottie. It does tend to make it difficult for me to concentrate on pushing my body to the extreme when every time my eyes meet his I turn into a giggly school girl, and find myself wishing that, as opposed to being all red and sweaty in his presence, I would instead be all dolled up wearing high heels and a cute little mini skirt. I find myself after each set of work outs wanting to slap his ass and tell him 'good game', even though I am, in fact, the one doing all the work.
But I digress, see today, I slipped up and accidentally flirted with him. I didn't mean to! It's sort of a natural reaction/defense mechanism of mine. (I blame the stars: being a gemini) See, when I feel awkward or uncomfortable around a person, naturally I begin to flirt. I really don't intend to, but I find that when I do so, in most cases, it can help ease tension, maybe even create a giggle or two, but definitely makes the other party relax a little bit and that helps me not feel so uncomfortable. Well tonight, I guess I made it obvious enough to push him to bring out the words, "my girlfriend.." Now, as previously stated I really wasn't flirting to get a reaction. This guy, beit he's very gorgeous, just isn't my type. (course a lot of people tell me I need to up my standards) However, my point rests on the fact of him saying that. Now the general reaction for most girls when they hear these words from a stunningly handsome man, is of course different for everyone, but around the same thing. It's either: "DAMN, I must get rid of her," or "OH well I am SOOO much better than your stupid girlfriend, you'll realize this" or then there's the, "oh, well the f***ing sucks." etc. etc.
HOWEVER, this time, my reaction caught me off guard. My VERY FIRST THOUGHTS were: "Oh how nice! You have a girlfriend.. I hope you guys are very happy together." While this may sound like sarcasm, I assure you, it wasn't. (and I know with it coming out of my mouth, you do need assurance.) I was 100% totally positively happy to hear that he was in a relationship! And that he is so confident in his relationship, that when he feels like boundaries are being pushed, he brings her up, as opposed to a lesser man who would have pretended she didn't exsist.
On a side note of this: I must add that it is so refreshing to meet good men out there. Of course I'm assuming... for all I know he goes home and beats his said girlfriend, but at least he still has the decency to acknowledge her in public. (haha) MOSTLY, though, it is SOOO nice for me to be back in this state of mind. I am no longer lonely. I no longer feel like I need to seek someone to fill an invisible 'empty void.' I am truthfully and honestly, just happy being single. So much so, that I get enlightened to hear of others finding someone else to share their lives with! Or more especially, when someone finds love--or what they think is love.

They say everything happens to us for a reason. I don't know if that's just someone's words of wisdom, or if it's based off religion, or where it originates from at all. I do however know, that I believe it. Even if it isn't true it is a good way to take experiences in our lifes and learn from them. I believe that I had to get my heart broken (that is the nice way of putting it) in order for me to realize I have GOT TO up the standards of the people I date. I am no longer going to put up with things that I shouldn't have to. A relationship shouldn't be exhausting. It shouldn't be a constant battle. It shouldn't be something you are constantly making excuses for, just to force yourself to believe that it is good. My next words I want every woman reading to follow:

ATTENTION WOMEN!!! : READ THE BOOK:
"HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU"

I don't care if you think you get it. I don't care if you say, "I know when he's not into me." That's not the point. This book was written BY A MAN. He was one of the top main writers for, that's right ladies, SEX AND THE CITY. (I didn't know that till I read it) You WANT TO LISTEN (or I guess read) TO WHAT HE HAS TO SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It will open your eyes to a whole new light of dating!!! (Plus it's a super easy read)

I know there are a lot of douche bags out there. And if you're one of them reading this, here's my advice: RENT SOME EFFING CHICK FLICKS AND TAKE NOTES!!!! The media bascially provides this guide for dating, showing us how men and women individually want to be treated. Take there advice. Back in the day there wasn't so much information to work with. Use it to your advantage.
And come on, is it really so hard to just be honest with people?!?! In a world full of sarcasm and exaggeration I know it is a struggle to say what you mean and mean what you say, but I think if you really try, you'll find it's easier than you thought. It may not always work out the way you want it to, but it WILL work out the way it's SUPPOSED to, and hopefully hurt less people in the end.

Wow, I accidentally got all preachy. I'm not trying to say I know all the answers, not by any means, I'm only 23. BUT I have been doing a lot of research on the subject, being a hopeless romantic as I am, and I have learned a lot in doing so. About myself, and about what I want from a partner. Someday, my prince will come. I fully believe that. Someday I know that I too will have that head-over-heels, can't breathe, can't think straight, can't stop smiling, floating on air, kind of love. Everyone deserves that. And my advice is to not give up until you find that equal other half. That person that fully completes you, and neither you, or him/her question it for a minute.

I would like to close with a quote from Edward to Bella in 'New Moon':

"Before you Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars--points of light and reason. ... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

Sincerely,
Full of Love

Old Pictures from phone...

So I was just going through some pictures I've taken with my phone over the last few months, and there were a couple that made me chuckle and I wanted to share:

<---- First here, is a picture I took at Big Ed's one day, when I looked down and noticed that my coffee was smiling at me. :)

"There were clouds in my coffee"

Next, on the right here ------->

Was taken on a road trip I was on for my birthday, the album I was listening to in the car was called "Beautiful Destination."

I thought it was adorably ironic since I was driving through the West coast.

Lastly, is a picture I took of the "decor" on my shower wall....

Tell me you don't think this looks like a side shot of a boob!?!?!

Is it just me?! Cause it bothers me everytime I shower!! hahaha.

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!!!!

Ask and you shall receive.

A few months ago, as per my friend's advice, I went and got my cards read by an Angel Card Reader. Now without getting into my religious views, let's just say that I went into it just to see what it was all about, just to take whatever positive advice he had to give to help pull me out of the 'rut' I've found myself in. As it turns out, it was a WONDERFUL experience! He knew things about my life that he couldn't possibly know, therefore making me invest more belief in what he had to say to me. To make a long story short, he went on and on about how I really need to persue my dream of becoming a writer. --Being a professional writer has always been that dream of mine that I constantly shove to the back of my mind while thinking, "Oh I could never actually make a career out of that." But why not?! Other people have... so why not me?!

So for the last few months, I have been trying to write more, and racking my brain to come up with some good story lines and/or plot lines, etc. Now the card reader also said that my "angels" mostly communicate with me through my dreams. Now if you're reading this and you actually know me, you know that I have the most vivid, life-like dreams of anyone I know. If I get wronged by someone in a dream, I will hold resentful feelings for that person for the entire next day, knowing that those negative feelings are undeserved. But I digress, my dreams tend to also be WAY out there. Story lines that could only be made up from schitzophrenics or someone (like me) who has wildly all over the place dreams.

Now don't get all excited and think that I am going to start writing my dreams on here... though it would be an incredibly interesting read... As I have mentioned, I am going to use my dreams to try and write a novel. If I were to post them on the internet I would be risking someone else stealing my ideas and using them for their own.

(oh and speaking of which, I learned that Stephanie Meyer, wrote all of the "twilight" series, based on a dream she had. Go figure.)

Finally to get to my point: Yesterday, my Mom and I went out to the lady's house that I now clean for, for a little Birthday celebration. After ____ glasses of wine/champagne, we started into a whole converstation about my said 'writing career'. She got really into it. In fact, she was so excited about it, that she got me excited about it all over again. And that's when she said it.... the words I've been wanting to hear for many years now... "Can I be your mentor?" She asked.

!!!!!!! I have literally been asking (the God's I guess) for someone to send me a mentor!!! I was ecstatic by the question! Naturally, I exploded into excitment telling her how much I've longed for a mentor, and without hesitation, she started right into giving me 'homework.' Thank you my fairy Godmother!

She also agrees that my dreams are going to be my lunch ticket!

(Is that phrase still used anymore?)

To wrap this up, I just want to say how excited I am to be getting help with my writing. Any advice any one else would have for me, i.e. books I should read, etc. Please feel free to write me and let me know. I am also excited for when me and my Mom hit the road in the next couple of months. Traveling around the Country will do nothing but open doors and windows to stories and characters I can start writing about!

Well that's all the gushing I will do for today. So let me you leave with these quotes:

"You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be."
--David Viscott--
"First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do."
--Epictetus--

Sincerely,

Hopeful for the future

Hooked on Fantasy

Alright, so I started this blog to write, right? ... and guess what I have NOT YET done?!?!

Wow, I am awesome. Okay, I will get better at this, I solemnly swear to try harder. See I'm just not that good with the internet... (in fact I resist the growth in technology as much as I can)

I have gotten better at checking my facebook, and also when I want to gush about things I turn to my live journal. Otherwise I use the internet to HULU my brain with clips from Saturday Night Live. But that's not the only reason I have yet to start blogging... the BIGGEST reason, is that I have been hooked on the Twilight Saga. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know... I wasn't going to get into the whole thing, but then out of sheer curiosity I decided to rent the movie, and it just so happened that I EFFING LOVED IT!!! --It reminded me of my ever loving crush on Vampires-- Now I'm at the end of "New Moon" (book #2) and I will not stop till they are done. And you know what else? I will also read the second versions that are currently being written from Edward's perspective, thats right, because I have fallen that much in love.

I do have to say, that even though it is a teen romance novel, it is SO nice to get totally hooked on a book. (well 4 books actually) I haven't been this into a book in long time! All I want to do is read! Which is weird for me, I have a difficult time reading, what with my ADD, overactive imagination, and dyslexia. But now that I have been reading so much, I truly feel like I've been living 3 different lives. I have my conscience life (well as far as we know it) where I go to work, feed myself, hang with friends, etc. Then I have the life I pretend I'm living through these books (which are SO MUCH better than real life, becuase as Bella, I have the love of a Vampire!), and then there's my ever so life-like dreams. Which now are fully inflitrated with Vampires. haha.

Speaking of Twilight, I recently received an e-mail telling me that they are currently casting for Twilight 3 in the Salt Lake area!!! I plan to do more research on this topic and if it turns out to be true, I will FULLY be auditioning. So in ending on this topic, I LOVE Twilight!

On another note, I plan to go buy a new camera soon. After which I will be able to upload recent pictures the way most people do. As I said, I will get better at this.

Yours Truly,

Hooked on fantasy