So I was at the gym tonight, thinking once again about love. --See I've been on a huge love kick this year. Ever since getting my heart trampled on, slowly and painfully healing, and then stumbling into the Twilight series, it has become a very consistent topic of thought for my brain. I hate to sound all cliche' about it... but the conclusion I've come to, and when you truly think about it, love is what the world is lacking. Some people get it: "What the world needs now, is love, sweet love, it's the only thing, that there's just, too little of." and "All you need is Love," etc, etc. I recently had a friend tell me she had a "hate for love," to which I responded, "You cannot have a hate for love... but merely a hate for the LACK of love."
Back to the gym: So my newest trainer, to be quite blunt, is a super hottie. It does tend to make it difficult for me to concentrate on pushing my body to the extreme when every time my eyes meet his I turn into a giggly school girl, and find myself wishing that, as opposed to being all red and sweaty in his presence, I would instead be all dolled up wearing high heels and a cute little mini skirt. I find myself after each set of work outs wanting to slap his ass and tell him 'good game', even though I am, in fact, the one doing all the work.
But I digress, see today, I slipped up and accidentally flirted with him. I didn't mean to! It's sort of a natural reaction/defense mechanism of mine. (I blame the stars: being a gemini) See, when I feel awkward or uncomfortable around a person, naturally I begin to flirt. I really don't intend to, but I find that when I do so, in most cases, it can help ease tension, maybe even create a giggle or two, but definitely makes the other party relax a little bit and that helps me not feel so uncomfortable. Well tonight, I guess I made it obvious enough to push him to bring out the words, "my girlfriend.." Now, as previously stated I really wasn't flirting to get a reaction. This guy, beit he's very gorgeous, just isn't my type. (course a lot of people tell me I need to up my standards) However, my point rests on the fact of him saying that. Now the general reaction for most girls when they hear these words from a stunningly handsome man, is of course different for everyone, but around the same thing. It's either: "DAMN, I must get rid of her," or "OH well I am SOOO much better than your stupid girlfriend, you'll realize this" or then there's the, "oh, well the f***ing sucks." etc. etc.
HOWEVER, this time, my reaction caught me off guard. My VERY FIRST THOUGHTS were: "Oh how nice! You have a girlfriend.. I hope you guys are very happy together." While this may sound like sarcasm, I assure you, it wasn't. (and I know with it coming out of my mouth, you do need assurance.) I was 100% totally positively happy to hear that he was in a relationship! And that he is so confident in his relationship, that when he feels like boundaries are being pushed, he brings her up, as opposed to a lesser man who would have pretended she didn't exsist.
On a side note of this: I must add that it is so refreshing to meet good men out there. Of course I'm assuming... for all I know he goes home and beats his said girlfriend, but at least he still has the decency to acknowledge her in public. (haha) MOSTLY, though, it is SOOO nice for me to be back in this state of mind. I am no longer lonely. I no longer feel like I need to seek someone to fill an invisible 'empty void.' I am truthfully and honestly, just happy being single. So much so, that I get enlightened to hear of others finding someone else to share their lives with! Or more especially, when someone finds love--or what they think is love.
They say everything happens to us for a reason. I don't know if that's just someone's words of wisdom, or if it's based off religion, or where it originates from at all. I do however know, that I believe it. Even if it isn't true it is a good way to take experiences in our lifes and learn from them. I believe that I had to get my heart broken (that is the nice way of putting it) in order for me to realize I have GOT TO up the standards of the people I date. I am no longer going to put up with things that I shouldn't have to. A relationship shouldn't be exhausting. It shouldn't be a constant battle. It shouldn't be something you are constantly making excuses for, just to force yourself to believe that it is good. My next words I want every woman reading to follow:
ATTENTION WOMEN!!! : READ THE BOOK:
"HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU"
I don't care if you think you get it. I don't care if you say, "I know when he's not into me." That's not the point. This book was written BY A MAN. He was one of the top main writers for, that's right ladies, SEX AND THE CITY. (I didn't know that till I read it) You WANT TO LISTEN (or I guess read) TO WHAT HE HAS TO SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It will open your eyes to a whole new light of dating!!! (Plus it's a super easy read)"HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU"
I know there are a lot of douche bags out there. And if you're one of them reading this, here's my advice: RENT SOME EFFING CHICK FLICKS AND TAKE NOTES!!!! The media bascially provides this guide for dating, showing us how men and women individually want to be treated. Take there advice. Back in the day there wasn't so much information to work with. Use it to your advantage.
And come on, is it really so hard to just be honest with people?!?! In a world full of sarcasm and exaggeration I know it is a struggle to say what you mean and mean what you say, but I think if you really try, you'll find it's easier than you thought. It may not always work out the way you want it to, but it WILL work out the way it's SUPPOSED to, and hopefully hurt less people in the end.
Wow, I accidentally got all preachy. I'm not trying to say I know all the answers, not by any means, I'm only 23. BUT I have been doing a lot of research on the subject, being a hopeless romantic as I am, and I have learned a lot in doing so. About myself, and about what I want from a partner. Someday, my prince will come. I fully believe that. Someday I know that I too will have that head-over-heels, can't breathe, can't think straight, can't stop smiling, floating on air, kind of love. Everyone deserves that. And my advice is to not give up until you find that equal other half. That person that fully completes you, and neither you, or him/her question it for a minute.
I would like to close with a quote from Edward to Bella in 'New Moon':
"Before you Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars--points of light and reason. ... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."
Sincerely,
Full of Love
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